You Got Me
by laugh32
Summary: "Don't worry, sweetheart, you're not really my type," he says and Andy nods slowly. "Right, okay," she says with disbelief. An AU story about blind dates, awkward encounters at work, the love between siblings and breaking down people's walls. Sam/Andy.
1. Starting Now

_Hello again! So, you may notice a theme is starting to form with my Sam/Andy stories. I'm a sucker for an AU fic. This is my first multi-chapter Rookie Blue fic. I've been wanting to post this but I wanted to wait until I knew I'd have time to dedicate to the story. With two jobs and school, it's hard for me to do anything other than oneshots. However, in less than two weeks, the semester is over. So, I figured I'd post chapter 1 and see if anyone is interested in this going any further. Ok rambling over. Enjoy. :)_

_Also, this chapter is kind of long because I wanted to get the date in it so, there's that._

* * *

Sam is perfectly content with his life. He has good friends, a job that he loves, nothing to complain about, really. So his sister's constant pestering about finding a girlfriend really gets on his nerves after awhile. It is beyond him why she can't understand that he doesn't need a relationship to be happy. In fact, in his experience, relationships usually lead to stress and confusion and, well, unhappiness.

"Listen to this, Sam. She's an amazing friend of mine. She's so… caring. She cares about everyone. She's incredible and she was with this guy and they were engaged and you'll never guess what happened!"

"They're not getting married anymore?" Sam deadpans.

Sarah glares at her younger brother. "It's Thanksgiving. You think you could be nice to your sister for once?" she asks. He shakes his head. "Anyways, he cheated on her!"

"Wow," Sam says with absolutely no emotion, and Sarah frowns in response.

"Leave him alone already, Sare," Sam's brother-in-law says good-naturedly.

Sam nods appreciatively, knowing that Ron was risking his life just by trying to help him out. As much as his sister bothers him, he can't deny that being with her makes him happy. He misses her all of the time.

"Don't stick up for him, Ronald Anthony. I don't have time for boys against girls in here," Sarah scolds her husband and sighs. "Dinner is about ready. Can you get the kids in here?"

Ron nods, sending an apologetic smile toward Sam before leaving the kitchen.

"She's pretty fantastic, Sam," she says.

"I'm sure she's swell," Sam says, reaching around her to grab a roll. She slaps his hand away, shooting him a look that can only be described as motherly.

"Sit down, you ass. You'll get dinner when its on the table and we're all here," she says. "And you'd like her. I think she'd be good for you."

"Let it go," he mutters and she shakes her head.

"Never," she says dramatically as she begins to place dinner on the dining room table and he laughs despite himself.

* * *

Sam is leaving the station when his phone rings. His sister's face appears on the screen and he smiles, answering the phone. "Hell-"

"I know what you can get me for Christmas!" she says in a sing-song voice, cutting him off.

"And what's that?" he asks, reaching into the backseat of his truck to retrieve his snowbrush. He quickly goes to work, cradling his phone between his ear and his shoulder so he can clean his car off, grimacing as the biting cold wind cuts through his skin.

"Double date! Me, you, Ron and Andy!" she practically screams, and Sam rolls her eyes, already lost.

"Andy?" he asks, confused.

"The one with the ex-fiance," she says, clearly annoyed that he doesn't remember her.

"Oh yes, the one that cares about people. Got it," he says, sarcasm dripping from his every word. "Can't you be normal and tell me you want a new charm for your bracelet or something?"

"No," she says quickly. "I already had Ollie tell me your schedule so this Friday. You're off, and we're getting dinner! Love you Sammy," she says cheerily before hanging up. He groans with annoyance before climbing into his car and starting the engine. Only his sister….

* * *

When he arrives at his sisters on Friday evening, he walks right in and is immediately attacked by his niece and nephew. He grins widely, crouching down and wrapping them in hugs.

"Uncle Sam! I hear Mom's setting you up on a hot date! With Andy! I love Andy!" his ten-year-old niece exclaims. Her face lights up mischievously and she leans close to her uncle, cupping a hand around her mouth to whisper in his ear. "She's really pretty so don't mess up."

Sam laughs and ruffles her hair. "Thanks for that, Krista," he say sarcastically and she groans, fixing her hair and glaring at him. He smirks and then his eight-year-old nephew, Andrew, begins to talk his ear off about something that happened at school.

Sarah meets Sam's eyes and grins. "Kids, leave your uncle alone," she says and they frown. "Annie is on her way so you guys tidy up any messes you may have already made," she says.

"Annie? I thought it was _Andy_?" Sam questions, rolling his eyes.

"Annie is the babysitter, idiot," she says and then grabs his hand, pulling him into the kitchen and giving him a onceover. "You look nice. It almost looks like you, I don't know, care about how this date goes."

"Well, if _trying to avoid disaster _is me caring, then, yeah," he mutters

"Close enough," she says, shrugging, and he laughs. She instinctively reaches forward and begin to smooth out the collar of his shirt. "Listen. You're going to love Andy, but just, you know, let's try not to bring up the ex-fiance thing. Oh, and, by the way, she's currently in the police academy," she says in a rush.

"What?" Sam asks, eyebrows shooting upward. "You weren't going to tell me that?"

She looks up innocently. "It slipped my mind. But I figure it'll give you guys lots to talk about," she says.

He shakes his head at his sister and then the babysitter arrives and before he knows it, they are on their way to dinner.

* * *

Sarah, Ron, and Sam step out of her Ford Escape and approach the restaurant. Standing outside the front door is a brunette wearing a black dress with a leather jacket over it. Her hair falls in loose curls around her face and she's looking upward as snow falls around her. Sarah breaks out into a laugh and mutters, "What a freak."

Sam raises an eyebrow at this and watches as his sister jogs toward her friend. "You could have gone inside and got us a table!" Sarah says and Andy jumps a little, startled, before shrugging.

"I like the snow," she says simply.

Sarah giggles and wraps her friend in a hug. Andy pulls away and smiles politely at Ron and then her eyes fall on Sam, and he doesn't know why he suddenly feels so nervous but Krista was right, _she is pretty._ She smiles this full smile and extends her hand. It takes Sam a moment to react, and he feels like she probably thinks he's an idiot, but if she does, she doesn't show it.

You know that feeling you get in a good game of poker, when everyone is going all in and you _know _you have the best hand? That's the way Andy's smile makes him feel. Excited, proud, eager and just a little bit dangerous.

"I'm Andy," she says easily and he nods, shaking her hand.

"Sam," he replies and Sarah claps her hands together.

"Okay, let's get inside then," she says and leads the way into the restaurant.

* * *

Sam is seated next to Ron, across from Andy. She's bubbly and likes to talk and isn't very shy at all and he kind of likes that, surprisingly.

She orders her food and once the waitress leaves to place their orders, Sarah clears her throat.

"So, Andy. How is it going at the academy?" Ron asks and Andy brightens.

"Um, pretty good. I've learned a lot already, so…" she says.

"How much longer you got?" Sam asks, and he realizes it's the first thing he's said to her since he sat down.

"I've got a little over another month left," she says. "Which is awesome and terrifying at the same time."

He laughs, and it's weird how easily a smile appears on his face. It's different. "The academy teaches you a lot but nothing really prepares you for your first 12 hour shift. You'll learn so much more just in that first day."

Andy raises an eyebrow at him and glaces at Sarah quickly before looking back at Sam. "You're a cop?" she asks.

His eyes widen at this and it takes him a minute before he laughs. "Sarah didn't tell you?" he asks, staring pointedly at his sister.

"Nope," Andy says, her lips popping at the _p _in _nope_.

Sam watches the change in Andy's demeanor and wonders if she possibly isn't into cops. Which… doesn't make sense, because she's trying to be a cop.

"Don't feel bad, Sarah didn't tell me you were in the academy until ten minutes before we left," Sam says, trying to ease the tensions, and Andy smiles half-heartedly at this.

After dinner, Sarah excuses herself from the table to call the babysitter, grabbing Ron by the arm and dragging him with her.

Andy clears her throat and looks at her glass of wine, her finger tracing the top of her glass lazily. Sam watches her for a moment before finally gathering the courage to speak up.

"Do you not date cops?" he asks and it surprises Andy.

She looks right at him and her face begins to flush. She stares at him for a minute, looking like a deer in headlights, before sighing. Sam would find it adorable if the situation was different. "This may be me oversharing, but I don't care. You see, I grew up with a cop for a father, and I always said I'd never date a cop. And I didn't. Granted, I dated _losers_ but I did not date cops. Then I met this guy and he was great and he also happened to be a cop-well, detective, but it's all relative, isn't it?- and he proposed to me and then cheated on me. So, about a month ago, I told Sarah I was going back to my _never date a cop_ thing. Which is why she left out the major detail of, you know, what you do for a living when I agreed to this thing."

The whole speech comes out quickly and once she's finished she just shrugs and he rolls his eyes because is this girl serious? She doesn't date cops because one cheated on her? Is she going to swear off dating in general? "Really?" he asks incredulously.

Andy stares at him. "It's nothing personal. You seem pretty great…"

"Don't worry, sweetheart, you're not really my type," he says and Andy nods slowly.

"Right, okay," she says with disbelief and that's when Sarah comes back to the table, a hopeful smile on her face.

"How's it going guys?" she asks loudly, sliding into her seat.

"Perfect," Sam bites out harshly.

"Definitely," she agrees with just as much venom in her words.

Ron, sensing the tension, jumps in. "Alright. Well, Sarah and I just took care of the bill so let's go ahead and leave," he says, keeping his voice light.

Andy slips into her leather jacket and grabs her purse. The foursome exit the restaurant and Sarah sighs.

"See you soon, Andy?" she asks, pulling her friend into a hug.

Andy laughs. "We'll see," she says jokingly before giving Ron a hug as well. She gets to Sam and just nods slowly.

"Nice to meet you, Swarek," she says roughly before walking off to her car.

"What the hell did you do?" Sarah asks as soon as Andy is out of earshot.

Sam narrows his eyes at his sister. "More like what did you do? Setting a girl up on a date with a cop when she just swore off cops to you. Seriously?"

Sarah frowns, shoulders slumping in disappointment. "I thought you guys would hit it off and then that would be irrelevant."

He can't help but feel for her, honestly, because he's probably just as disappointed as she is, as much as that surprises him. "You thought wrong," Sam teases, wrapping an arm around his sister's shoulders lovingly.


	2. Overboard

_Guys! I am truly overwhelmed by the response to this story! I wasn't going to update this soon but you guys made me want to! I probably won't always update this quickly but you can count on me to update consistently at least once a week. I'm so excited about where this story is going! And if you want to contact me, I'm easier to get ahold of on tumblr because I am an addict. My url is kegofglory. (Don't worry, you don't have to follow me! I know I post one direction excessively. I'm shameless) Enjoy this chapter and let me know what ya think!_

* * *

Sam is mid-yawn when Shaw claps a hand on his shoulder in the locker room. "Ready to get your T.O. game face on?" he asks, his voice much too loud for this time of day.

Sam winces. "Rookies?" he questions with clear irritation. This is the last thing he needs today. He got a total of five hours of sleep the night before.

"Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed," Oliver says, chuckling as he exits the locker room.

Sam inwardly groans the entire way to parade, walking as slowly as physically possible. He stopped to get some coffee and then found himself sliding into the back of the room, leaning against the wall.

Frank is in the middle of speaking when he sends a nod in Sam's direction, as if to say _thanks for showing up_. Sam frowns apologetically and Frank continues on as if nothing happened.

"And, we've got our rookies on today! Welcome to fifteen, guys. Nash, you're with Williams, Epstein, you're with Shaw. Diaz and Peck, you'll be riding the desk and McNally, you'll be with Swarek."

Sam looks to the front of the room, waiting for his rookie to come find him, and literally has to rub his eyes to make sure he's seeing correctly. Andy turns around, eyes wide, staring at him. He watches as the rookie beside her nudges her forward. Andy jumps, turning to her friend and shooting her a look before heading toward Sam. He feigns boredom when she reaches him.

"McNally, I presume?" he questions and she nods. "Of course," he mutters and she shoots him a glare. He sighs. "Follow me," he says carelessly, turning around.

He hates that she somehow makes the uniform look _really _good and how adorable she looks when she's nervous. He swallows all these feelings immediately, of course, just like he's been trying to for the past month and a half. He can lie to himself all he wants but something about her got to him. He'd been replaying their short date over and over again in his head for weeks now.

When they make it out to his squad car, he gives his usual speech. "I did not ask to train a rookie, I did not ask to have a partner. I am not your boyfriend. I will not be holding your hand. This shouldn't be a problem for us, of course, since you're not my type and you don't date cops."

She frowns and jumps into the passenger seat, mumbling something under her breath. Sam smirks because as awkward as this is, he feels like he can have a lot of fun with this.

"You don't have to be so mean, you know," she bites out as he starts his car and pulls out of the station. "I'm nervous enough, honestly, and I don't need my T.O. hating me right off the bat."

He rolls his eyes. "Cool the dramatics, McNally. I don't hate you. I sort of hate my sister for setting us up to begin with though."

Andy groans, sending Sam an icy glare, immediately going into protective mode over _his _sister. "Be nice. She had good intentions," she scolds in a way that honestly reminds him of Sarah.

"There was about a zero percent chance of that date ending well," Sam says as he pulls up to a red light. "She clearly hates me," he says. He doesn't really mean it, of course, but knows that his comments will get under Andy's skin. He glances her way to find her glaring at the road in front of her, brows furrowed. Immediately, he sighs, deciding to go easier on the rookie.

"God, could you stop being such a guy for the love of _god. _Sorry your ego can't handle rejection but there's no need to be rude," she almost shouts, and Sam is surprised that his first reaction is to smile. Instead, he rolls his eyes and they spend the rest of the drive in silence.

Andy saves his ass that day. She handles a hostile situation incredibly well for a rookie and he's filled with pride over it. He can't deny that she is obviously going to make a great cop. It doesn't change their situation. Actually, if anything, it makes his situation worse because he's only falling deeper and deeper under this spell she seems to have put on him.

_They respond to a b&e call that doesn't seem to pan out. Nothing appears to be missing. "The house looks clear, but take one more look upstairs to make sure," Sam says gruffly and she nods, gun at her side, as she steps up the stairs slowly._

_She's gone a little longer than expected and he's ready to leave, so he groans and walks up the steps, taking two at a time. _

_He's caught off guard when he hears Andy. He follows the sound of her shaky voice to find her at gunpoint in the bedroom. She has her gun up and although she looks a little nervous, she seems to have control of the situation. _

"_Yeah? You think I don't know? I was abandoned in the middle of the night by my mother. Okay, she has an entirely new family, and I was completely erased. It messes you up. I know. I haven't seen my mother in 14 years," she confesses, gun still up and pointed at the kid. She sighs. "Your mother is right here. Don't do this. Come on. Put the gun down. Please, Noah. Just put it down," she pleads. He stares at her, tears in his eyes, before setting the gun down only for his stepfather to attack him. That's when Sam jumps in. _

_Once they are standing outside, Andy lets out this deep breath and he can tell her nerves are running wild. He reaches forward, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Good job today, rookie."_

Back at the station, she's filling out paperwork with him. They sit in silence for a half hour before she suddenly breaks into a fit of coughs. He glances over at her to see her choking on her water. He stares at her with amusement as she regains composure.

"You okay over there McNally?" he calls out sarcastically and her eyes just about pop out of her head. He follows her line of sight to see Luke Callaghan staring at her, his face a mixture of surprised and affectionate.

"Andy?" he says, walking toward her desk. She stands up, awkwardly rubbing her hands together. "You're working here now?"

She glares at him. "Solid observation, there. I can see why you made detective."

Sam smirks at this, and he figures he should stop watching them but he can't help his curiosity. Besides, they are technically within earshot so he's not _intentionally _eavesdropping.

"Can we talk in private?" Luke asks.

"Here is fine," she says shortly, clearing her throat. "I thought you worked at 27."

Luke crosses his arms over his chest and sighs. "I transferred. Once everyone at 27 found out about what happened, well, it was just awkward."

"I can't imagine how rough that must have been for you," she says, anger dripping from her words. "Don't worry, this is going to be way less awkward."

"I thought you weren't planning on working in Toronto," he says.

Andy stares at him for a minute and sighs. "I wasn't planning on it, but my instructors really liked me, they wanted me at 15, so, I figured…" He smiles, looking all full of pride, and she shakes her head dismissively.

"I always knew you'd make a good cop, Andy," he says warmly.

"No," Andy responds immediately, throwing her hands up in disbelief. "You don't get to act like the proud boyfriend anymore. You are my ex and now you are colleague, alright? We done here?"

He nods. "Uh, yeah, I guess," he mutters before walking away.

Andy sighs and sits back down, quickly returning back to her paperwork.

"_That _is the guy you made an exception for? Callaghan?" Sam questions, unable to keep the judgment out of his tone.

"Shut up," she hisses with annoyance and he chuckles, shaking his head.

* * *

Sam gets home and calls his sister, deciding to fill her in on this turn of events.

"Sam!" she answers cheerfully. "You're actually calling me first for once, it's a miracle!"

He smiles. "Guess who I ran into today," he says. She stays silent so he continues. "Andy McNally is a rookie at 15 division," he says dryly and she breaks out in a fit of laughter. "I didn't think it was very funny."

"It's fate," she says breezily, and he rolls his eyes. "I knew you guys would be perfect for each other but you guys screwed it up so now the gods are working together to make this right."

"You're insane," he says on a laugh and he can't help himself, he has to ask. "So… I heard she had a bad childhood."

She clears her throat. "Um, I guess, yeah. Andy basically raised herself. I mean, her mom left them when she was young, and her dad was a cop, so she was alone. And now her dad's a pretty serious alcoholic and we know how that goes."

Suddenly, the dots all begin to connect in Sam's mind. "She's Tommy McNally's daughter?"

"Yeah," she says. "Anyways, I'm sure she wouldn't want me talking to you about this so." She sounds pretty protective, and it reminds Sam of how defensive Andy had gotten over Sarah in the car the day before. He wonders how the two know each other, and why there are so deeply protective of one another.

"Right," Sam says. "Well, I'll see you in a couple of weeks, Sare. Pass on my love to the kids."

"Always, and send Andy my love," she says cheekily and Sam can't even control the smile that takes over his face as he hangs up. Something about getting up in the morning and seeing Andy again feels like a privilege that he doesn't deserve but that he's damn happy about. He can't really remember anything or anyone else thrilling him quite like this and even though he doesn't understand it, he's excited all the same.


	3. Sort Of

_Once again, thank you for the reviews! I appreciate the feedback. Sundays seem to be the best time for me to get on here and write/update. Finals week is upon me so I'm crying tears of joy that it's almost all over. Also, does anyone see a connection between my story title/chapter titles? If you do, you're pretty awesome. Rambling over… Enjoy this chapter angels! _

Sam is paired with Andy once again and she's waiting for him at his cruiser with two cups of coffee in her hands. She's leaning against the driver's door and she smiles when he reaches the car, handing him a cup of coffee. He stares at her with curiosity and motions for her to move so he can get into the car. She quickly makes her way around to the passenger seat and looks at him as she fastens her seat belt.

"Black coffee with three sugars," she says. He nods, not even bothering to ask how she figured out how he takes his coffee. "Listen," she begins as he starts the engine. "This situation? Super awkward. There is no denying it. But, I mean, it doesn't have to be awkward. I think that you and I could be friends, ya know?"

He just looks at her. "Friends?"

She frowns. "Yes, friends. So it didn't really work out on the blind date… how often do blind dates even work anyways? But we work together, and, well, we have to literally _work _together. It'll be easier if we put the past behind us."

"Sounds great, McNally," he says.

She nods with a grin. "Okay. Good."

He clears his throat, feeling uncomfortable, and finds himself wishing for a high speed chase or anything to get him out of this situation.

"So, have you talked to Sarah recently?" she asks after a long stretch of silence.

"Yep, just last night," he says.

Andy fiddles with her coffee lid. "Yeah, she always said you guys were close. I've been hearing all about you since the day I met her."

"All about me? Except for the fact that I'm a cop. How long have you guys known each other?" he asks. He's curious as to how long Sarah was planning to set them up.

Andy lets out a long 'hmmm' before finally nodding. "We met at a meeting about a year ago."

Sam takes a long sip of his coffee. "A meeting?" he questions casually.

She looks out the window for a minute and he can tell she doesn't want to elaborate so he lets it drop. "So. Friends, huh? I've never been friends with a woman before."

She turns to look at him, bright smile on her face, and laughs easily. He hates how much he loves her laugh.

* * *

Sam's surrounded by his friends at the Penny and they're all betting on something ridiculous, of course. But Sam's looking across the room to the table where the rookies are all sat. Andy is seated between Traci Nash and Dov Epstein. She's running her finger lazily along the top of her beer bottle, and he can't help but notice that it must be a habit of hers because she did it on the date, too.

"Sammy!" Oliver shouts, nudging his friend. "We're betting on how long it takes Jerry to screw up with the rookie he's involved with."

Sam chuckles and looks over to see Jerry shaking his head. He takes a moment to think of who Jerry's dating. Andy's friend, Traci. As cynical as Sam is, he's noticed that since Traci Nash jumped into the picture, there is something in Jerry's eyes that he's never seen before. He figures that Jerry might actually makes this relationship work. Sam smirks, though, playing along. "I give it a month," Sam wages.

"A whole month?" Noelle asks with disbelief and then they're all fighting again, except for Oliver, who stares at Sam for a moment.

He follows Sam's line of vision and smirks. "You know that's Tommy's daughter?" he asks.

Sam jumps a little and tears his gaze from the rookie, turning to stare at his friend. "Yep."

"And she's a rookie…"

"I'm aware," Sam replies curtly.

"I'm just saying, I've… well, I've never seen that look in your eyes before," he says and Sam just stares blankly at him. "You know, a look that suggests that you may have, uhh, actual feelings for someone?"

"Andy is my sister's friend," he says, as if that explains everything away.

"She's friends with Sarah? How do they know each other?"

Sam shrugs. "Not clear on that, actually, but, uh, we went on a double date a couple months ago," he says. He doesn't even know why he's explaining this. He was planning on keeping their initial meeting on the down low, but sitting with Oliver, he felt compelled to tell _someone. _

"What?" Oliver asks with disbelief, his eyes already lighting up with amusement.

"It went pretty bad," Sam admits. Oliver laughs a little too loudly for Sam's liking and he glares at his friend. "Apparently she's not into cops."

Oliver continues to laugh, clapping a supportive hand on his friend's shoulder. "Oh, man," he gasps out between chuckles. "That's too good."

* * *

It starts to bother Sam, the mystery of how Andy and Sarah became friends. It doesn't make sense. Sarah lives in St. Catharines, Andy lives in Toronto, and there is at least a ten year age difference. It's weird. And he doesn't want to ask McNally because she got weird about it that one time and he doesn't want to make things more awkward than they already are.

On his day off, he spends the day in St. Catharines with his family. Ron is watching a movie with the kids and Sam walks into the kitchen to help his sister with dinner.

"How's work going?" Sarah asks with a smile as she hands him a loaf of Italian bread and a knife. He can remember his sister making them dinner when his dad was too drunk to give a damn. She'd enlist him as her helper, and he was so proud of himself, filled with joy that he could help his big sister with _something. _It broke him, even at a young age, to see the pain she had to constantly endure. The simplicity of her smiling at him and handing him the bread while she prepared the rest of dinner was a routine he cherished.

"Okay. You know, we've got a bunch of rookies now so it's a little more stressful."

Sarah grins wickedly. "How's Andy?"

Sam shrugs. "She's great. Good cop, very smart. She's got spot on instincts but she needs to have a little more trust in them. We're working on that, though."

Sarah giggles, rolling her eyes. "You _know _I wasn't asking about her progress at 15 division."

He nods. "How did you guys meet?" he asks suddenly. "I don't get where that friendship comes from."

She fixes her eyes on the lasagna she's preparing and he feels the shift in her mood immediately. "We met at a meeting."

Same answer he got from McNally. "A meeting?" he urges.

She sighs and turns around to face him. "Al-anon meeting," she says.

He stares at her for a long moment. "When did you start going to al-anon meetings?" he asks with confusion.

"It was brief. I went to go visit dad, because I was worried about him. It messed me up a little, so… anyways. I ran into Andy there about a year ago. She didn't really want to be there. At the time I didn't get it, but now that I know her, I know she's not one to ask for help, so. But anyways, Luke made her go once, and he even went with her. She went a couple more times after but she stopped showing up eventually. We kept in touch though. She comes by here quite often, actually. Krista is pretty attached to her."

Sam raises his eyebrows and he feels like this is just a lot of information to take in at once. "When did you visit dad? Why didn't you call me?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You were undercover," she says.

He immediately feels a pang of guilt in his chest. "Oh."

"I'm okay, Sam. It's fine."

Sam sighs and he knows Sarah hates when he goes into protective mode but it's such a part of him, like second nature, after everything that they've been through together.

"So Luke went with her?" he asks, changing the subject for her benefit. She smiles widely and puts her hands on her hips.

"I knew you liked her," she says knowingly, this smug look on her face.

"You're insane," he mutters before going back to the bread.


	4. Save Me

_So, this was the last of my pre-written chapters and sort of a bit of filler and I figured I'd post it early since its ready and because the next chapter is one of my favorites so I'm excited to get to that. (wow that was a rough run on sentence huh?) Also, I'm sad to see that no one guessed the connection between the title of the story and the chapter titles. They're all titles of songs by the WONDERFUL Ingrid Michaelson. She's lovely. Listen to her, guys. She pulls at the heartstrings. Anyways, thanks for all the reviews and everything, guys! You're all ab-fab. And as always, I'm easier to reach for questions on tumblr. My url is kegofglory. PS tomorrow is my last final and this is me taking a break from studying so you can thank biology for the early update._

* * *

Andy knocks lightly on the familiar red door and grins widely when the door swings open to reveal an excited little brunette. "Andy!" she shouts with delight. Andy enters the house and bends down, wrapping her arms around the ten-year-old.

"Have you grown in the last month or something because I swear you're way too tall," Andy jokes and Krista brightens at this. Krista grabs Andy's hand and starts talking a mile a minute.

"Mom made cinnamon rolls for breakfast, can you smell them? They just finished so you got here _just on time_! And I have to show you this new move I learned in ballet. You're coming to my recital, right? Mom says she got you a ticket. Andy how is it being a cop? Is Uncle Sam as mean as he says he is at work?" Andy doesn't know which question to answer first, but she stops dead in her tracks when they're walking through the living room to get to the kitchen and she finds Sam asleep on the couch.

Krista looks at Andy and then at Sam. "Mom says he must be really overworked to fall asleep on our couch. I think he's **exhausted** because he fell asleep while we were watching Harry Potter last night and it was the third one, so you _have _to be tired to fall asleep during that one," she informs her.

Andy smiles and walks toward the couch, staring at Sam's sleeping form. Even in his sleep it looks like his brow is slightly furrowed. She smiles at this and follows Krista into the kitchen.

Sam looks up at his sister's ceiling and wonders how he managed to pass out on her couch last night after dinner. He's overwhelmed by the smell of cinnamon and his niece's excited laughter. He swears it sounds a lot like Andy's laugh and he shakes his head.

Working with Andy, just being friends with Andy, it gets… difficult.

He'd never admit it to anyone, but it's pretty easy to fall for Andy. It's weird, though. She overthinks everything and talks way too much, and he finds it charming instead of annoying. And she's more than a bubbly rookie. She's so smart, and she connects with people so easily. She amazes him every day they work together and he finds himself wanting to know more and more about her.

Of course. They're just friends… colleagues. She has made it abundantly clear that there can be nothing more to their relationship. And he's okay with that most of the time.

But then she'll say something to a victim that moves him, or she'll show up at the Penny and her smile will literally take his breath away.

And then he's not so okay with just being friends.

"That's a pretty sweet move there Krista. I can't believe you're doing both ballet and tap this year. I can't wait to see you at the recital!"

Okay. There was no mistaking, that was definitely McNally's voice. He shoots up on the couch and stands up, running a hand through his ruffled hair and walking into the kitchen.

Andy, Krista and Sarah all look up at him from the kitchen table and Krista bursts out in a fit of giggles, jumping up and wrapping her arms around Sam.

"You owe me another movie night, mister," she says and he smiles.

"Sorry. Your uncle is getting old," he says, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

Andy smiles. "We're having a girls day, Swarek. Wanna join us?"

He groans and shoots her a look before heading toward the cabinet, reaching up to grab a mug and pouring himself some coffee.

"Sorry if we woke you," Sarah says, standing up and grabbing another plate. He quickly stirs some sugar into his coffee and turns around, leaning against the counter. She puts a couple of cinnamon rolls on it and offers it to her brother. "You see, when I went to bed last night, you said you'd finish the movie with Krista and let yourself out. I didn't realize you were still going to be here when I woke up."

He smiles sheepishly. "Sorry," he says, taking a seat between Andy and Krista at the round kitchen table. He can feel Andy's eyes on him but keeps his eyes on his sister. "I guess I was more tired than I thought."

"It's been a rough week," Andy said, shrugging. "Totally understandable." He looks up at her and smiles and then she shoots him this smug smile. "Plus you're totally getting too old for this."

He rolls his eyes as she and Krista giggle like little school girls.

Krista grins. "So, Uncle Sam, guess what?" He looks at her with a knowing smile and she giggles. "You _never _guess!" she exclaims.

"That's because I never know what's gonna come out of your mouth, goof," he reasons and she nods, as if this answer is acceptable.

"Well, I'll tell you. I asked Andy what it's like to work with you, and guess what!"

He stares at her. She giggles again. "I'll tell you. She says you aren't even mean! You told me and Andrew that you're tough and everyone is afraid of you."

He looks at Andy, who is staring at him innocently.

"Andy's wrong," he says with a shrug.

Andy's jaw drops incredulously and Sam has to ignore how his chest tightens at the adorable action. She schools her features into a glare and then looks at Krista, shaking her head, mouthing _'I'm not wrong.'_

Krista giggles and Sarah watches the exchange with a wide smile. "Krista, go get out of your pjs and do your hair, okay." Krista sends her mom a frown. "You want to go shopping with Andy and I, correct?"

Krista groans. "Fine," she mutters and heads up the stairs.

"Well, anyways," Sam says and looks at his sister. "Sorry for passing out," he says. "And thanks for the breakfast." He stands up to put his plate in the sink, grabbing the rest of the dirty dishes from the table first.

"You're always welcome here, idiot. Stop apologizing," Sarah says. "What are you plans for the day?"

Sam sets the plates in the sink and leans up against the counter, watching as Andy goes back and forth between looking at him and looking at her coffee.

"I don't know. I have to leave here soon. I was going to spend some time at Oliver's today. I haven't seen the girls in ages."

"Oh, tell them hi for me," Sarah says.

"Me too," Andy pipes in.

Sam nods. He knows that Tommy and Oliver were quite close back in the day, so it's understandable that at one point Andy was close with the Shaw's. "And you guys are having a girls day?"

Andy nods happily. "We're going shopping at the outlet mall and getting lunch."

"Ron and Andrew are going to the batting cages, so I figured us girls should go have some fun, too. And of course what is a girl days without Andy McNally."

Andy looks at Sarah with this smile that is sort of puzzling and it's gone from her face before Sam can read what it means. She runs her finger around the rim of her coffee mug and Sam smiles to himself.

He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. "Alright, I'm heading out. I'll see you tomorrow McNally," he says. She looks up from her coffee and meets his eyes and nods, the corner of her lips pulling upward slightly. He leans over and places a kiss on top of Sarah's head before walking over to the bottom of the steps, calling for his niece.

"Krista, I'm out of here!" he shouts. Suddenly the child comes bounding down the steps and lunges into her uncle's arms. Sam catches her with an _'oomph' _and laughs loudly, squeezing her tightly. "See ya later, goof," he says, setting her down. "Be good and have fun today. Give Andy a hard time."

She scrunches her face up and shakes her head. "I love you Uncle Sam," she says and kisses his cheek before running back up the steps to finish getting ready. He looks over at the girls to find Andy watching him with this tiny smile on her face and curious eyes. When he catches her gaze, she just shrugs and sends him a wave. The tiny moment of connection sends sparks up and down his spine, but he just grins and waves goodbye before leaving.

* * *

"How was your girls day?" Sam asks from his side of the cruiser.

She glances over at him. "Great," she says. She opens her mouth and pauses, struggling to get the words out, and he can see the wheels turning in her head. "I'm sorry if it was weird for you… I mean, that I was there. I didn't know you'd be there."

"It's not weird, McNally. Relax," he says. "But you're ruining my rep with the kids. They have to think I'm tough so they don't get too crazy when I babysit."

Andy laughs easily. "Krista's too smart for that. One of the first things she asked me is if you're really mean… because she doesn't believe you. She says you're like a big teddy bear."

"A teddy bear?" he asks with disdain, looking over at her as he pulls to a stop at a traffic light. She looks so at ease, more so than usual.

"I can try to convince her you're more bear than teddy but I don't think it's gonna work," she says and he rolls his eyes. "Face it, she loves you."

Sam laughs. "She seems to like you a lot, too. And Krista is generally pretty skeptical of people."

"I'm lovable," Andy says with a shrug and then laughs when Sam sends her a look. "She's easy to love," she says genuinely and he nods in agreement.

It's funny how easily Andy seems to fit into his life. She gets along with his family, she gets his jokes, she brings out a side of Sam that he doesn't generally show most people.

Sam looks over at Andy to see her looking down at her hands, a smile on her lips, and wishes, not for the first time, that he could read her mind. He wants to ask what she's thinking but he's sure that would be weird and then a call comes in and they're on the job.


	5. Be OK

_Ok real talk I'm going to stop rambling about my life from now on. I just like talking. Can you tell I'm a communications major? Anyways, this chapter is a little shorter but hopefully the content makes up for it. Enjoy lovelies! AND HAPPY ROOKIE BLUE MONDAY TOMORROW IF YOURE FROM CANADA (or downloading it like me)_

* * *

"These recitals are so boring," Andrew complains quietly in his uncle's ear. Sam looks at his nephew with a smirk.

"I know, but you gotta do what you gotta do," he says and Andrew nods sullenly.

"Sam, save that end seat for Andy, she's on her way," Sarah says and Sam looks at the empty seat beside him and nods, grabbing his jacket and throwing it over the seat.

Sam likes to watch his niece in these recitals, but waiting for her class to come do their dance is incredibly boring. The recital itself is over an hour long and Krista is in two different dances, so that's a lot of sitting around for no more than six minutes of Krista being on stage.

Andy runs up the steps in the aisle and smiles widely when she catches Sam's eyes. He moves his jacket and she plops down in the seat beside him. The lights dim and the first performance begins. All Sam can focus on, though, is how good Andy smells and how her arm is pressing against his.

As everyone begins to clap after the first performance, Andy leans toward Sam to whisper. "I'm bored already. Is it Krista's turn yet?"

He turns to her and smirks. "I hear ya," he agrees. She laughs. "How was your shift?" he asks, knowing she just got off work.

She frowns. "Terrible. I'll tell you about it after."

"Terrible because I wasn't there?" he asks teasingly and she nods.

"Pretty much, actually. It's a long story," she mumbles and he's surprised at her response but he can't exactly press for more information now so he supposes he'll have to wait an hour.

Throughout the whole recital, Andy and Sam quietly make fun of other routines until Krista goes on, and they both turn into those typically embarrassing family members that cheer way too loud. It's the first year that Sam has a good time at one of her recitals. When it ends, they all wait outside of the building for Krista to come out. When she sees them, her faces light up and she runs toward them, hugging her uncle first.

"Rockin' tutu, cutie," Andy says as Krista pulls away from her uncle.

"Thanks Andy," she says excitedly and Andy grins, kneeling down to pull Krista into a hug. She whispers something in Krista's ear that Sam can't hear, and Krsta pulls away with the biggest smile and the widest eyes. "I love you," Krista says quietly with a big grin and then Sarah insists on them all taking what feels like a couple hundred pictures.

Sam and Andy part from Sarah and the family to head toward their own cars and Sam walks her to her car. "Hey, McNally. Wanna meet at the Penny? I want to hear about the terrible day without me," he says, and he hopes he doesn't look as nervous as he feels.

She smiles. "Sure, see ya there."

Just like that. She's shutting her car door and driving off.

* * *

Sam smiles when two beers are placed in front of them. She raises the bottle to her lips, taking a long pull from it, and sighs.

"What happened today McNally?" he asks.

She shakes her head. "Where to begin. I was late for parade because I overslept, then I was paired with Noelle, who then sent me off to homicide to help out with a case. I had to spend the entire day with Luke which was awful, and I was missing out on undercover experience by doing this."

He cringes at this, fiddling with his beer bottle absent-mindedly. "Can I ask how you and Luke even met?"

She shrugs. "Yeah… when he made detective, all the other detectives in his division took him out to this huge dinner. My dad went as well, and then drank too much, naturally. So, I went to pick him up and I don't know, Luke was nice and charming and at that point, it's just, I was so tired of choosing the wrong guys so I ignored the no cop rule and I let him charm me. And… with him, everything felt easy. But like… oddly easy, you know? Looking back at it now, I should have known we wouldn't last."

"What do you mean?" he asks carefully, watching as she furrows her brows in thought and stares at her beer.

"I feel like… it was too easy, maybe? We never really fought, which, I mean, you're supposed to fight sometimes. And he chose work over me a lot, and at first it stung, but after awhile, I didn't even mind how much he worked. I didn't mind time away from him. In fact, I found myself feeling relieved when he was away. It just… it was like I was going through the motions of being in the relationship without the passion to back it up," she finally meets his eyes and she must see something encouraging in his expression because she continues. "And he must have felt the same way because a few months after he proposed to me he cheated on me. With his partner. And then lied about it."

Sam winces, shaking his head. "Idiot."

"I know how to pick 'em," she mutters into her beer.

He rolls his eyes. "It's not your fault he cheated, McNally."

She sets her beer down and brings her elbows to rest on the bar, resting her cheek in the palm of her hand. She looks at him and sighs. "I know. I just… don't know what I'm doing wrong… or, I guess I do. I see myself making mistakes in my relationships. I know I get distant and even though I realize I'm doing it and I want to stop, I never do. Why can't I open up to anyone?"

He shrugs. "Everyone is a little screwed up when it comes to relationships. And if there are people out there who don't get scared… I'd like to meet them."

She laughs lightly, closing her eyes. He knows she must be exhausted. She worked all day and then went straight to the recital. "I suppose that's true. But can't I be a different kind of screwed up? A more functional kind?"

It's Sam's turn to laugh. "McNally…" he drawls out. She opens her eyes and meets his gaze warily. She's searching his face for something, and it puts him on edge.

"They say that children who grew up in alcoholic households tend to have trust issues, especially in their adult relationships," she says this quietly, and Sam realizes why she looks so unsure. She's implying that she knows about his dad.

"I've heard that about a million times from my sister. But she's happily married," is all he offers up.

She shakes her head. "But it was bumpy road for her."

He's walking on eggshells at this point, because he doesn't know what Andy does and does _not _know about Sarah's life. "But she fought through it. She's resilient, Andy. And so are you. You are not doomed for the rest of your life because of your dad and neither am I."

A sad smile plays on her lips and she nods. "Let's hope." She opens her mouth and then sighs, reconsidering. She closes her mouth and sits up straight, finishing off her beer. "I should get home. I'm so tired that keeping my eyes open right now is giving me a headache."

He smiles and slips on his jacket, eyeing her as she does the same. As they head out into the parking lot, Andy turns to him, a mixture of emotions on her face. "See ya tomorrow, Swarek."

"See ya," he replies. He watches as she turns back to her car. "Andy," he calls, because he really can't help himself. She turns around, her hand on the door handle. "You're not a lost cause. You think you can't open up to anyone but you did a pretty good job opening up to me tonight."

At hearing his words, she smiles, looking down at her feet. "Thanks. Good night," she says quietly before getting into her car.

Sam turns around, too, somehow feeling a mixture of both nerves and elation, in the pit of his stomach. It was a good night.


	6. Around You

_Hello! So… this chapter was always part of my plan but it was going to be in Sam's POV. Many of you have been requesting an Andy POV chapter and while I rarely ever switch POVs in my stories, I did for this chapter. Writing in Andy's POV is fun. She's totally a parenthesis kind of character which is my favorite. Anyways, I like this chapter a lot, which is also rare. Let me know what you think. I will be going back to Sam's POV for the next chapter because that's essential to this story but maybe I'll switch it up every now and again. Anyways, as always, any questions/concerns/feelings to discuss? I'm on tumblr as kegofglory. Now. ENJOY this chapter and let me know what ya think!_

* * *

Andy is only _kind of _freaking out. Just a little bit.

(That's a lie, she's totally panicking.)

It's just, when Sam came into parade, he immediately found her and sent her this toothy grin like they're best buds and it made her stomach jump and she just doesn't know how to handle this kind of situation. She made that pretty clear last night. She's not equipped for these kinds of things. And she's not even talking about dating Sam, because she can't do that. (Not that she doesn't think about it _a lot_.) But even these kinds of friendships are hard for her. With Traci, it's easy. The two talk about serious things, sure, but they do it over wine and they giggle and they say shit like _fake it till you make it_ but with Sam, it's something so different. Opening up to him the other night… it was big for her. Andy felt like she was baring her soul and now, in the light of day, she doesn't know if she should have. It's not that she doesn't trust him, because surprisingly, she does. It's just… _why _did she tell him all of that shit?

When she hears Best say her name, she's pulled from her running inner monologue. "And McNally, you'll be riding with Swarek."

Of course.

She turns to the back of the room and sends him what she's hoping is her normal smile, although judging by the look that crosses his face, she's not pulling off nonchalance.

"McNally," he greets breezily, same as always. Andy nods at him and leads the way to the garage, because she's afraid her voice will betray her if she speaks.

They walk the way in silence, although when she sneaks glances at him, he seems perfectly at ease. Well rested, even. They're quiet in the car for awhile until Sam finally breaks it.

"You alright over there?" he asks, his eyes trained on the road.

Andy shrugs. "Fine. I'm fine."

He laughs. "Really? Because I'm pretty sure this is quietest you've been ever since you proposed this little friendship."

"I don't _always _have to talk," she says, which is kind of a lie. Andy gets bored easily, so she likes to fill the silence. There's nothing wrong with that. Sam teases her about it all the time but she's positive that he secretly likes it. The fact that he's pushing her right now is just proof of that.

"Right," he says, disbelief clear in his tone.

And the thing is, she _wants _to talk to Sam. She wants to tell him about how Dov wore his uniform shirt inside out for the first twenty minutes of the morning until Shaw came up and smacked the back of his head. She wants to tell him that this morning a cat was sitting on her windowsill and stared at her while she got dressed and she had no idea where the orange tabby came from but she wants to keep it. Most importantly, she wants to tell him how much she appreciates him giving her his ear last night. How nice it felt to just talk without the fear of judgment. But the thing is, she's a mess of nerves and it's like she's forgotten how to act normal around Sam. And this is why she can't open up to people. She never does, and now that she opened up to Sam, she's a jumble of emotions. It's just… she appreciates his friendship a lot, and she's so afraid of messing it up. Apparently, not only does she not know how to be in relationship, she also doesn't know how to be a good friend.

"Sorry, I'm just tired," she says. Pathetic excuse. She knows that he can see right through her. And yet, he just sends her a half-hearted smile and nods. And that is what makes Sam the perfect friend. He knows not to push any further. He knows that when she's ready, if she's ever ready, she'll come to him. (That's also what scares her, if she's being honest. Because these are the things that make her really, really like Sam. Which… she can't do. Hasn't she been clear about how bad she is at all of this? Add to it that he's a cop…)

When they stop back at the station to do some paperwork, he nods toward the kitchen. "Need some coffee?"

She shakes her head. "No, thanks." Andy sits down at the desk across from where Sam throws his keys down and stares at the computer for a minute. _Okay, Andy. Be normal. Act normal. Sam is your friend. No need to spazz out. _

He collapses into his chair, setting a cup of coffee down on his desk. He clears his throat and she can't take her eyes off of him. He leans forward, furrowing his brow as his lips form a thin line. He stares at his computer, clicking the mouse every so often. She should be doing the same thing, but sometimes she gets caught up. And then his eyes meet hers and he smirks. _He's talking. What's he saying?_

"Earth to Andy. Your phone."

She tears her eyes from his and looks down, noticing that her phone is in fact vibrating on the desk. The name on the screen reads _Sarah Swarek. _

Right.

She smiles sheepishly at Sam, pulling the phone to my ear. "Hey," she says casually, focusing her eyes on the keyboard in front of her.

"Hi love, how's it going?" she replies and her warm voice calms Andy, if only slightly.

"You know, just… finishing up a shift."

"Oh, should I call you later, or tomorrow?" she asks, concern laced in her words.

"No, no," she assures her. "It's fine. Just doing some paperwork. Is everything alright?"

She sighs. "Everything's fine here. Just getting ready for Christmas. You know, being Santa Claus to two spoiled children and whatnot."

Andy laughs at this. "You have the greatest kids on earth, so, I think it's okay to spoil them."

At hearing this, Sam glances over at Andy. She meets his eyes and smile, confirming that she is, in fact, speaking to his sister. He mouths _hello. _

"Sam says hi, by the way," Andy says.

She can hear the smile in Sarah's voice when she replies, "send my love."

Andy smiles up at him and he nods. She's quick to turn back to the computer.

"Anyways," she continues. "Christmas is a week away, so I'm basically a mess of trying to get everything ready. Calling you relieves my stress momentarily."

Andy laughs at this. "If you need help with anything you can call me. I'm not much of a cook or anything, but I can help shop or clean, or whatever."

"The only thing I want from you is your presence. I mean, if you can. We're doing dinner at my house on Christmas eve. I know you and your dad always stay in, but if you feel like switching it up, you should stop by."

The whole thing catches Andy off guard. Christmas Eve had always been just Andy and her father. Even when she was with Luke, she'd see him on Christmas day, eventually. She's been doing Christmas Eve in with her father for as long as she can remember. It's not always perfect, in fact, it never is. But they don't really have anyone else in the way of family.

And she doesn't want pity invites. She knows Sarah is trying to be nice and Oliver already did the same thing, which she politely declined.

Sarah's voice cuts through Andy's thoughts. "I'm not asking because I feel sorry for you. I know what you're thinking, Andy. It's just… you're family now, ya know. We love you, we all do. And it feels weird knowing that I won't see you on Christmas Eve."

Andy feels her eyes tear up, despite her efforts to avoid this. She stares down at the keyboard, praying to the Gods that Sam is still enamored with his computer. And it's true. The reason she's so attached to Sarah and her family is that they make her feel loved and like she belonged somewhere. She finally felt like she fit into a family. A whole family.

"I'll run it by my dad," she says finally, because she doesn't know what else to say. "But, I think I'll be there, at least for a bit."

She hears Sarah let out an excited shriek. "I love you, Andy," she says. "It'll be great!"

Andy look up at Sam, who's eyes dart from her face to his computer. If he thinks he's being subtle, he is severely wrong about that. "I better go. My training officer is a real hardass,"she says loudly. Sarah laughs at this. "Talk to you later, Sare," Andy says before hanging up.

"Now you admit I'm a hardass," he says with a small smile. She sets her phone down beside her and rolls her eyes.

"You're the toughest," she says sarcastically, although even she can hear how her voice wavers. For the love of god, Andy. _Be normal. _

"What was all that about?" Sam asks.

She feigns boredom. "Sarah invited me over for Christmas Eve dinner."

She makes sure to watch Sam's face closely. He smiles in response. "Christmas Eve at Sarah's is great. She makes the best food and Ron's mom makes the best apple pie I've ever tasted."

This fills her with warmth, because they have these traditions. They're lovely. She knows Sam and Sarah went through _so much _and they came out so strong. She went through considerably less, when you compare their childhoods, and yet she still has so many issues. She wonders why that is. She thinks, maybe if she had a sibling, someone to go through it with, she'd have turned out a little better. Not so broken.

"It sounds great," she says, and she really means it.

When she finally finishes up her paperwork, she glances up at the clock. It's time to go. She looks over at Sam, who is leaning back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. "It's quitting time," she mutters as she stands up. He smiles at her and they head to the locker rooms. When she reemerges in her street clothes, she's surprised to find Sam leaning against the wall, waiting for her. She sends him a nervous smile and he falls into step beside her as they head toward the exit.

"I'm sorry," she blurts out as he holds the door open for her. The freezing wind begins biting at her face immediately, and she burrows deeper into her huge black jacket.

"You're sorry?" he asks, confused. She stops and turns to him, his face lit by the light above the door.

"I'm bad at this," is all she offers up.

"At this?" he questions, and she doesn't know how to respond.

"Feelings. I told you a lot last night… more than I've told most people. And now I'm a nervous wreck and I don't know why."

His smile is soft and kind and understanding and it makes her break into a sweat, even though they're standing in negative temperature.

"McNally, it's okay. You don't have to explain to me."

_God, he's lovely._

She's surprised by this bold thought. And moves on to other thoughts, blocking that one out. Like the fact that she does owe him an explanation. "I do, though. You're a great friend, Sam. You listened to me and you were kind and then I went and acted like a _crazy person_. I'm sorry. This friendship… it is surprisingly pretty important to me-"

"-Surprisingly?-"

"-And I can't mess it up. So… I'm being totally normal now, alright?"

He takes this in, nodding. Then he breaks out into a smile. "When have you ever been normal?"

She shoves him easily as they begin walking again. They reach her car and she sends him a smile. "Ok… so, I'll see you at Christmas Eve dinner…" he raises an eyebrow and she groans. "I mean… I'll also see you before then. I'll see you then and I'll see you tomorrow," she rambles

"Totally normal, right?" he asks and then looks at her like she's the strangest person he's ever met, laughing as he turns toward his truck.

He's still smiling when he gets into his truck and she finds that she's smiling too as she gets into her car.


	7. Snowfall

_You guys are lovely. I know it's been longer than usual but I promise this has been the craziest/worst week ever and also I'm moving out this weekend so I've been preoccupied. This chapter is extra long to make up for it so let me know what ya think! And I just want to throw this out there: This story is not going to be like a super long novel or anything, but it's not gonna be like 10 chapters. Sam and Andy aren't going to get together super soon. It wouldn't make sense. It's going to be a slow burn and hopefully you guys enjoy the ride._

* * *

"I think you missed a spot," Sam calls out to his sister, who has been wiping down the table for far too long for it to be even remotely normal. She turns around and shoots him daggers. "Sare, the place looks great. Food smells perfect. It's going to be okay."

Sarah smiles at her brother. "Thanks. Would you mind setting the table then?"

He shrugs and goes to the silverware drawer, grabbing the appropriate amount and then going to work at the dining room table.

"So," Sarah calls out as she walks into the family room to tidy up anything she may have missed.

Ronald took the kids to the store for last minute purchases, like saran wrap and extra napkins. She volunteered Sam to come over and help her clean.

"What?" Sam asks flatly. He can tell by the tone of her voice she's thinking hard.

"You and Andy seem to be warming up to each other," she says, her voice closer now. Sam looks up to see her leaning against the doorway to the dining room, warm smile on her face.

"She's a good friend," he says evenly, looking back down at the table.

"She's the best friend, actually, but you know that's not what I'm getting at."

"Huh."

She groans. "Sam, I see the way you look at her, and more importantly, the way she looks at you. Make that girl your new years kiss."

He doesn't have a response to this. Instead, he just fidgets with the plates and waits for her to walk away. Because, yeah, he's thought about it. A lot. But he can't push Andy. He knows better. Hell, she freaked out after just opening up to him slightly. She's not ready for a relationship, and he's okay with that. He can be her friend, as long as they stay on the same page.

He hears Ronald enter, Andrew and Krista cheering loudly when they see their uncle.

"Hey Uncle Sam! Santa's coming tonight!" Andrew shouts as he sets the grocery bag careless on the floor. Sam laughs, leaning down and putting it on the counter.

"He is indeed. You excited?"

Andrew beams. "Duh!"

Sam laughs, watching as Andrew heads over and starts talking to his mom.

"You gonna hug me or what Kris?" Sam asks, staring at his niece who is trying (and failing) to reach for the cookies that were on top of the stove.

Krista giggles, running over and barreling her uncle in a hug. "I was trying to steal a cookie!" she whispers dramatically when she pulls away from him.

"I noticed," Sam says on a laugh.

He winks at her and leans over, handing her a warm cookie. She giggles and eats the thing in two bites. "Thanks!"

"You excited for Santa?" Sam asks, crouching down so he is at eye level with the little brunette.

She looks around and then stares at Sam conspiratorily. "I know," she whispers.

"You know what?" Sam plays along.

"I found out that he's…" she sighs deeply, as if these words bring her physical pain to speak. "He's not real."

Sam gasps. She rolls her eyes.

"Don't pretend with me. I told mom I know. I'm just pretending because Andrew still believes!"

"Oh okay. Gotchya. How'd you find out?"

She rolls her eyes _again, _her hand on her hip. The sassiest ten-year-old he's ever met.

"Derek Peters told everyone at recess that he saw his mom wrapping all his presents. Ruined it for everyone. He's such a turd."

Sam can't help but laugh at this. "He sounds like one."

"Totally!" she says and then she runs off toward her father to help him with turn on all of the Christmas lights.

* * *

Ronald's mother, Theresa, is in the middle of teasing Sam when the doorbell rings. Sarah and Ronald are busy putting the food out on the table so Sam quickly turns on his heels, not saying a word to Theresa as he approaches the front door. He swings the door open and immediately feels like he's in seventh grade going to his first dance. A bundle of nerves and feelings that he doesn't quite get yet.

Tommy smiles kindly, leaning forward and shaking Sam's hand.

"Swarek, it's been awhile," he greets.

Sam nods. "Sir. How've you been?"

"I've seen better days, but I'm good."

Sam backs up and lets the two in. "Dad, there's Sarah," Andy says, pointing into the dining room. "Can you give her the flowers?" She points at the vase in her father's hands. He nods and Andy turns to Sam, meeting his eyes for the first time.

Without really even thinking about it, Sam leans in and pulls Andy into a half-hug. "Merry Christmas, McNally," he says quietly. "You look nice."

She looks down at the sheer white tank top that is tucked into a black skirt. Sam's surprised to see her blushing. She sets down the white garbage bag containing gifts and slips off her black jacket. He takes it from her without a word.

"Dinner's about ready."

She grins. "I'm starving," she says dramatically. He takes the garbage bag, ignoring her objections, and places it near the Christmas tree.

"A few warnings before this begins," Sam starts. "Theresa, Ron's mother, is great. She's very blunt, though. And then my cousin Cory is very… ahhh… forward. So. Ignore him if he creeps you out. The rest are pretty laidback, so, it should be fine."

Andy's laughing as the two head toward the dining room together. "Okay. And my warning is that… I might be a little more awkward than usual."

He glances her way. "Why is that?"

She shrugs, keeping her eyes on the table ahead of her. "I don't know how to do this."

"Do what?"

"Family dinners on Christmas Eve? The last time I ate with someone other than my father was… god, I was thirteen."

He can tell she's nervous by the way she stares ahead of her, fidgeting with her hands. He places a hesitant hand on her shoulder, turning her toward him slightly. She slowly meets his eyes. He squeezes her shoulder. "If it's too weird, or too much, just, send me a look. I'll come up with an excuse for ya."

She grins easily, letting out a shaky breath. Then she turns away from him and Sarah just about screams.

"Andrea McNally!" she shouts. Andy grimaces, presumably at the use of her full name. Sarah giggles and pulls Andy into a tight hug. "Merry Christmas, love! I just met your dad!" She pulls away from Andy and looks her in the eyes. "He's lovely. Krista is giving him a tour." Andy beams at this. "Dinners about ready. We saved you two a seat at the end by Sam and Krista."

With that, Sarah is back to scurrying around as everyone takes their seats at the table. Andy gingerly sits down beside her dad, casting a kind glance toward Sam as he took his seat beside her. Krista plops down across from Andy.

Immediately, Krista is chatting Andy's ear off.

"Oh my gosh, you're dad is soooo cool!" she croons as she tries to scoop some mashed potatoes onto her plate. Andy nods, reaching forward and taking the spoon from the ten-year-old, scooping a small amount onto her plate.

"Okay guys," Sarah says from the opposite side of the table. Sam watches as Andy winks at Krista before turning her attention to his sister. "First of all, Merry Christmas! Thank you all for coming and being the wonderful family that you are. I know I speak on behalf of my husband and brother when I say that we are so grateful to have you guys in our lives. We have been truly blessed, and I am so glad I get to celebrate this holiday with the most important people in my life." Her eyes meet Andy's for a long moment. Andy shakes her head as tears form in her eyes. "So everyone, let's eat," she finishes up loudly, sitting down. Everyone falls into easy conversation with each other. Sam can't help but glance over at Andy every so often, who is laughing along with her father as Theresa speaks to them.

As dinner comes to an end, everyone begins heading into the family room to sit around the tree. _It's A Wonderful Life _plays on the television as Krista and Andrew not-too-subtly eye the presents under the tree. Tommy sits down on the couch beside Ron, and they begin talking animatedly with one another. Once Sarah announces that they can all start opening presents, the kids scream. Theresa giggles, passing out gifts to everyone in the family. Andy kneels down beside Andrew and Krista, handing them each gifts wrapped meticulously in shiny gold wrapping paper. Krista attacks Andy in a hug before she even opens it, which makes Andy laugh loudly. She stands up with four other gifts in her hands. She hands one to her father, who rolls his eyes. Another to Ron and one to Sarah, who shakes her head. She keeps the last one in her hands, tossing it from hand to hand as she spoke easily with Sarah.

"Uncle Sam!" Andrew shouts. Sam tears his gaze from the brunette to find his nephew sitting on the floor, holding up his gift from Andy. Sam stands up from his spot on the recliner and kneels down beside him.

"What'd ya get?" he asks.

Andrew holds up the box that contained two rather large water guns. On the box is a post in note. _Use it on your uncle! Love, Andy. _

Sam laughs, rolling his eyes. He glances over at Andy, who is watching the exchange with a huge grin on her face.

"Promoting violence with the 8-year-old. That's _so _like you," he teases.

"You want him to think you're tough, right? Now you can show him. Via water wars."

Sam nods. "Right."

She hands him the gift she's been fiddling with. "Here."

He stares down at the metallic wrapping paper, then glances back up at Andy. Behind Andy, Sarah is grinning like the chesire cat. He has to physically keep from rolling his eyes. Sarah slowly steps away, a look on her face that clearly says _let me give you lovebirds some privacy. _When Sam looks back at Andy, she's clearly anxious.

"Hold on," he says. She raises an eyebrow and watches as he turns around and produces a small box from under the tree. She stares at the gift as he places it in her hand. She raises an eyebrow at him and grins.

"You first," she says.

He rolls his eyes but carefully unwraps his gift. He stares at the box in his hand and smiles slowly. It's a large (very large) coffee thermos.

"So… I notice that you really seem to have an issue with those coffee cups at the station… never seen a grown man struggle so much with a plastic lid but you get so mad and as comical as it is, I figured I'd take that stressful morning routine from your life. Also, I made sure that it fits in the cup holder in the cruiser so."

He grins widely. It's small, but it's a little overwhelming when he realizes just how closely she pays attention to him, even just the little things.

"Thanks, McNally."

She nods and then begins opening her gift and he feels like he might throw up because wow, _he got her such a dumb gift. _Why did he think this was a good idea?

She stares down at the leather bound notebook. When she meets his eyes, they look curious.

"It's… okay, this…" he sputters. Then he clears his throat and starts over. "Until you can open up to someone… you need an outlet for your thoughts. My sister… she still keeps a journal. Really helps her… I just thought-"

She cuts him off by surprising him with a hug. She wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a tight hug. He returns the gesture, a smile playing on his lips.

"It's perfect," she says when she pulls away. Her eyes hook on his for a long moment, and he thinks that this moment may never end, but then Krista screams and Andy laughs lightly, glancing at the ten-year-old.

Krista barrels into her, almost crying. "What's with the dramatics, kid?" Sam asks as Andy kneels down in front of Krista. The young girl holds up the bedazzled frame to Sam. He takes it in his hands and smiles. It's highly decorated with plastic jewels and an assortment of different colored glitter. On the bottom of the frame, in bright pink lettering, are the words _best friends. _The photo is older, he can tell because McNally's hair is longer. It's Andy and Krista in Sarah's living room, a bowl of popcorn in front of them, cuddled together under a red throw blanket.

"You're _my _best friend! I didn't know I was _your _best friend too!" Krista is saying, eyes dancing with joy. Andy looks like she wants to start crying but grins instead, wearing a _no duh we're best friends! _look on her face.

"Best friends forever, kiddo," she says.

_Forever_. Sam smiles. It's just a word, but he has a feeling that with Andy, _forever _really does mean just that. She'll be around, no matter what. She's part of their family.

Andy and Krista continue talking and before Sam realizes it, it's past eleven and the kids are in bed and the place is clearing out. Sam glances over toward the foyer to see Andy throwing her jacket on. He wonders if she's leaving but then he sees Tommy on the couch with Sarah and realizes she can't leave without her dad. He put his jacket on and follows her out without really thinking about it.

He surprised to see her sitting on the front porch.

"McNally," he greets quietly, trying not to startle her. She turns around and smiles, patting the cold concrete beside her. He sits down and she props her elbows up on her knees, resting this side of her face in her hands as she turns to look at him. She playfully bumps her knee against his. "The Davis-Swarek clan becoming too much for you?"

She keeps her eyes on his as she speaks. "They're wonderful, actually."

He remains quiet, leaning back and looking up at the dark night sky. She leans back as well, and lets out a sigh, her breath coming out in visible puffs from the cold. "I forgot what it was like to have a family," she says. "Thanks for being so nice tonight."

"I'm always nice," he teases, working to keep his voice light.

She scoffs at this. "Sam Swarek's _nice _is different from the rest of the world's _nice_," she jokes.

He just rolls his eyes and is surprised when she leans toward him, resting her head on his shoulder, her eyes focused on the snow covered lawn before them.

"Family is more than blood," Sam says, because it's honestly important that Andy understands this.

"I'm beginning to see that, I guess," Andy says quietly.

They sit in silence for a while, and Sam finds himself enjoying it. He likes that they can fall into a comfortable quiet, just enjoying each other's company. It's not something that he's ever had before. Granted, he's always liked quiet. He's quiet with most people. But it's usually tense, or he's ignoring someone. With Andy, it's like they can communicate their feelings without even speaking.

Finally, Andy stands up. "I think it's time to get the old man home."

Sam nods, standing up, watching as Andy brushes the non-existent dirt off of her skirt. He's about the lead the way inside when he feels her small hand on his forearm. He turns to look at her and she just stares at him for a moment before leaning forward and pressing her lips to his cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Swarek," she says when she pulls away from him.

He somehow manages to form words, even though she's stunned him. "Merry Christmas, McNally."

And then she's rushing inside, blush rising up her neck. He smirks to himself as he follows her in, heart pounding in his chest. Not the worst Christmas he's ever had, that's for sure.


	8. Soldier

_First post from my new home! Hope you guys enjoy! Let me know what you think!_

* * *

"Jesus man, would you stop leering at McNally?"

Sam jumps in his seat and shoots a look at Oliver as he takes a seat beside him.

It's only been a couple of days since Christmas Eve, and he's seen Andy at work since then. Nothing seems all that different. She still teases him about stupid shit and calls him out on everything he does _wrong_ and talks way too much. He thought, maybe, that things were changing. She kissed him. Well-she kissed his cheek. But still, that's something. And he thought that for Andy that it was something big. However, he worked with her yesterday and she was so nonchalant about everything. She rambled on about an apartment she'd been looking into and then spent a good half hour debating what to make for dinner.

And really, he's not actually complaining. Sure he _thought _something was changing, but that doesn't mean he _needs _something to change. He's okay with friendship. Andy needs friendship, he knows this. And he truly values her friendship.

"Not leering," is all Sam says, rolling his eyes. He does, however, look down at the table in front of him instead of Andy, who is in the front of the room laughing with Nash and Epstein.

"What's going on between the two of you?" he presses.

Sam doesn't dignify Oliver's question with a response. He hopes maybe that'll shut him up, but he knows better than that.

"Because you guys are very friendly with each other. And you aren't exactly subtle with all the looks, you know."

Sam finally turns to look at his friend. "You done?"

"Not particularly," Oliver says with a huge shiteating grin on his face.

"Nothing's going on there. She's a rookie. She's my partner, that's all."

Oliver raises an eyebrow. "Your partner?"

"You know what I mean."

"Do I?"

Sam clears his throat. "Just drop it. It's nothing."

Oliver just chuckles in response, clapping a hand on Sam's shoulder in a supportive manner.

* * *

"We're working through the new year. How unfair. I'm ringing in the new year at work. Why?"

Sam groaned. "McNally, I swear to god, if you don't shut up about this shift I'm going to drop you off on the side of the road."

She sends a glare his way but continues on. "You're right. We should definitely make the best of this. I mean, even though I'd rather be at home drinking wine with Traci while Chris and Dov drunkenly proclaim their resolutions, I still have you."

"Wow, sorry you have to settle."

"Drama queen, that's not what I meant," she says on a laugh. "What I meant is that while ringing in the new year at work isn't ideal, at least I'm ringing it in with my best friend."

_Best friend. _That's the first time she's ever called him that. It's not really a big deal, but it makes him smile. He considers her a best friend, too, so it's nice to know the feeling is mutual.

He decides to go into T.O. mode.

"New Years Eve is always a lot of drunk calls. Busting parties and patrolling for drunk drivers."

"Good times."

"Very," he agrees dryly. She just giggles from her side of the car.

"I'm hungry," she says and he rolls his eyes but turns down the road that leads to her favorite diner anyways.

* * *

Andy's staring at Sam from her side of the booth and he presses his phone closer to his ear as she reaches over and steals one of his fries. He shoots her a look and she grins.

"So, be safe tonight and try to be positive about ringing in the new years at work," Sarah is saying in the phone. He refocuses his attention on her.

"I will. Tell the kids I love them."

"Of course," Sarah says. "I'm gonna have to call Andy. See if she wants to come over and watch the ball drop with us."

"She's with me. She's working tonight too," Sam says. Andy raises a curious eyebrow at him.

"Oh!" Sarah says excitedly. "Okay, awesome! That means you're ringing in the new year with exactly the right person."

Sam only grunts in response, because it's one thing to deal with these speeches when he's at her house but it's another when Andy is sitting right across from him.

"Well, have a great night," Sarah says when she realizes she's not going to get anything else from Sam.

"Love you, Sare." He hangs up and meets Andy's eyes. "First off, Sarah says hello. Second, don't order a salad if you're just going to steal all of my fries."

"Isn't that the true meaning of partnership? Someone to share your food with?"

He laughs at this, shaking his head.

"And you can have some of my salad if you want," she offers with a knowing smile on her face.

"I'm good with my burger," he says, picking the sandwich up and taking a big bite. She just rolls her eyes and takes a sip of her water.

"So what's Sarah up to tonight?"

Sam shrugs as he swallows his food. "Watching the ball drop with the family. She wanted to call and invite you but I told her you were working too."

She nods. "Ahh, gotchya."

Andy's quiet for a moment and Sam looks up to find her watching his face intently. "What?" he asks dryly.

"What?"

"I know that face. You're thinking too hard. What's up?"

A soft smile graces her features and it catches Sam off guard. "Nothing important."

He raises a doubtful eyebrow.

"I'm just thinking about you and your sister. You guys have something really wonderful, you know? I always wanted a sibling."

He nods slowly. "I am very thankful that I have Sarah. I would have never survived without her," he says honestly. With Andy, it's somehow a lot easier to talk about these things than it is with anyone else.

"She feels the same way about you. You guys must have really leaned on one another."

"We did, actually. I tried to be there after the… attack. And we were always supporting each other through our family woes."

She nods. "What happened with your family? I mean, I know your dad was an alcoholic, and I know that Sarah tries to keep in touch with him, but do you?"

He shakes his head. "Not really. She goes over to his house every so often but I don't think it's worth it. He's still an awful drunk who's never tried to repent for the abuse he's put us through."

Andy's expression is so kind and soft and understanding that he doesn't hesitate to keep talking.

"And my mom, she left early. She left when I was six, maybe. My dad was already drinking at that point. She kept in touch. Told us she wasn't ready to be a mother. Wasn't ready for the pressure. That she still had so many dreams to pursue. I talk to her maybe twice a year. On Christmas and my birthday. That's it. She and Sarah only talk a little as well."

Andy takes this all in quietly. "I haven't seen or heard from my mother since she left. I think in the beginning she tried to call a few times, but I was _so _bitter at the time that I refused to hear her out. I mean, I don't think she cared too much because she hasn't tried to reach me since then," she pauses, staring at her glass of water as her finger lazily runs along the rim. "It's weird, huh? You think parents are supposed to have it all figured out but…"

He nods. "I hear ya," he agrees and she just lets out a loud breath and changes the subject.

* * *

It's quiet in the car, aside from the occasional chatter on the police radio. They are parked in a small parking lot with a clear view of the main road. "We're looking for speeding, swerving, lights off, and so on. Keep your eyes peeled, McNally."

She nods and remains quiet. He notices the way her eyes keep cutting to the clock. It's five minutes till midnight. She's clearly restless and obviously bummed about ringing in the new year in a cop car.

"I know this isn't how you wanted to spend your night, but I'm glad you're here with me," he blurts out, and he's glad that his voice sounds calmer than he feels.

He can feel her looking at him, but he keeps his eyes on the road.

"Me too," she says quietly. "Sam," she starts anxiously, and something in her voice makes him want to turn to look at her. He braves a glance in her direction to find a very serious expression on her face. "I feel like I need to thank you."

"Thank me?" he asks, confused.

"I appreciate everything you've done. Not just as my training officer, but as my friend. This is like… the most normal I've felt in years, and I think it's because I have you to talk to now."

He smiles easily, and warmth spreads throughout his entire body. He looks back at the clock, 11:59, and keeps his eyes trained on it for the next minute.

He doesn't care about new years eve, not really. People build it up to be a turning point, a time for change, to be better. But no one ever follows through. It's not big deal to him. But it is to Andy, so he supposes he can be enthusiastic about it for her.

When the clock reads 12:00, he turns to Andy with a goofy grin on his face. "Happy New Years," he says quietly. Her eyes are dancing, and her face is glowing. She leans forward and catches his lips with her own. It's short and soft and sweet and warm and it's over within seconds. And then Andy settles back into the passenger seat with a grin on her face.

"Happy new years," she says in return and then she looks at the road. She winces and points at the swerving honda on the road.

* * *

The thing is, Sam's never enjoyed a kiss that much in his entire life, and it was only like five seconds long so he can only imagine what it would be like to _really _kiss Andy McNally.

Sam is leaning against the wall waiting for Andy to leave the locker room. They finished their shift easily, Andy acting completely normal as if she didn't just break the unspoken rule between them that they are _just _friends. She smiles at him when she exits the locker room and he falls into step with her as he walks her out of the station. They make it all the way to her car, which is parked beside his truck, in silence.

"McNally," he drawls out tiredly. As she turns to look at him, she yawns. "Why did you kiss me earlier?"

He didn't plan on asking, didn't want to scare her. But it comes out anyways. He's just really confused and the ball is always in her court, he's made sure of that.

"Well," she hums. "It was new years eve, it was midnight, and I wanted to. So I did. Is that too weird?" she asks.

He just shakes his head. "No. Happy new years," he smiles fondly at her. She nods and gets into her car. She waves at him before pulling out of the parking lot and he lets out a shaky breath as he climbs into his truck.


	9. Turn to Stone

_Hello muffins! This is a long chapter, and kind of just a set up for multiple other things, but important nonetheless. I'm going to try to update again before Wednesday because I am going to be out of commission for the next week. I'm turning 21 on Thursday and am being taken out of town twice within the span of 5 days which doesn't leave much room for writing! Anyways, enjoy this chapter and let me know what you're thinking! I love the feedback! _

* * *

Sam, Jerry, and Oliver both have the next 48 hours off. This obviously means that Oliver is making them go to his new cabin for a man's day, whatever that means.

Andy's giggling as Sam explains this to her.

"How romantic," she teases as she leans up against his truck. He's just finished his shift and she's about to start hers. "With you and Oliver both gone, my chances of riding the desk are much higher, so that sucks."

"It's all about you, huh?" he asks.

She shrugs nonchalantly and he just shakes his head. "Well, I hope you enjoy your lover's getaway with the boys," she says, grinning widely.

"Don't be jealous, Andy," Oliver says as he approaches them. Andy jumps in surprise but then turns to Oliver and smiles. Jerry is following closely behind Oliver, wearing an amused smirk.

"But I am. When will you see how great we could be together?" she jokes.

Oliver puts a hand over his heart and looks at her lovingly. She rolls her eyes and sighs.

"I'm going to be late for parade. Have fun guys," she says and meets Sam's eyes for a moment before turning around and heading into the station.

Sam watches as she falls into step with Traci, who had been waiting for her at the front door. He can hear Andy's laugh from where he's standing and it makes his stomach tie into a knot. He jumps into his truck and pulls out of the parking lot, following Oliver and Jerry to this unknown location.

* * *

Once they settle into the cabin, Sam leans back in the chair and closes his eyes. It is kind of nice getting out of the city. The air is fresh and it's quieter.

Oliver's going on about his wife and their most recent argument. Sam cringes. He hates that his best friend is having these marital issues. Jerry is still making it work with Traci Nash, and he's happier than Sam has seen him in years.

"How about another beer?" Sam asks, leaning forward and handing Oliver a bottle of Labatt.

"You guys will figure it out, Ollie. You always do," Jerry says kindly.

Oliver nods, but his expression is doubtful.

"What's up with you and McNally?" Jerry asks casually, obviously trying to take the spotlight off of Oliver.

Sam shrugs. "Nothing."

Oliver grins. "I'm glad someone else has noticed," he says to Jerry.

Jerry chuckles. "Who hasn't noticed?"

Sam furrows his brow. "What? There is nothing to notice," he says, taking a long pull from his beer. He couldn't have this conversation sober, that's for sure.

"Sammy, we're not stupid. You're talking to your best friends who are also cops. We notice these things," Jerry says with, laughter in his voice.

"She's a rookie," Sam offers up lamely.

"So is Nash," Jerry reasons.

"I'm a training officer."

Jerry lets out a long _hmph _and nods. "But if she weren't a rookie…?"

Sam shrugs, deciding to humor his friends. "If she weren't, it still wouldn't work. She doesn't date cops. She has more trust issues than I do. She wants friendship from me. She trusts me as her friend. She is so close with Sarah that she's practically family. She's always going to be in my life, so I can't fuck it up."

"Seems like this is something you've thought about a lot," Oliver says quietly, wearing a crooked smile.

"I'm leaving this all up to McNally. If she wants something more from me, she has to be the one to initiate it."

"Why?" Jerry asks, and even he seems frustrated by this, as if this is _his _love life.

Sam lets out a strangled sigh. "Because. I've provided her with a very stable friendship, it seems. And she's opened up to me, told me _why _she can't be in a relationship right now. What kind of person would I be if I turned around and pressured her into more?"

"Maybe she needs you to make that step, Sam. I don't know her as well as you do, so maybe I'm wrong. But if she has all these issues, maybe it's just hard for her to make the first step. Maybe she's waiting for you."

Sam shakes his head at Jerry, because he knows thats not true. "It's not like that."

Oliver sighs. "Are you sure?"

Sam nods. "Yeah."

There's a long stretch of silence, and Sam thinks maybe they're done talking about this. But then Jerry clears his throat. "Then… maybe you need to move on."

"What?"

Jerry scratches the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Well… I mean. Maybe you need to distance yourself from her. I see how she's impacted you. Everyone who knows you even a little can see it. And although it's not her fault that she can't commit, you can't just stand on the sidelines and wait. It's going to destroy you."

Sam just looks down at the beer in his hands. Jerry sounds so much like the voice in the back of Sam's mind that it throws him a little. He knows that his friend only has his best interests in mind, but it's hard to hear it from someone else.

* * *

Sam's first day back to work is kind of dreadful because he has to spend the whole day with Callaghan. The only good thing about it is that Andy is riding the desk, which means she's far away from him, which means he's not replaying Jerry's speech in his head repeatedly.

Although, working with Callaghan kind of makes him think of Andy, so.

"Why don't you put a few rookies on it? We need more bodies, there's so much legwork."

Sam glances over at Luke and nods. "Okay."

"So," Callaghan drawls out. "Grab the rookies, send them to the areas most frequented by our victim and have them canvass."

Sam resists the urge to snap at Luke and does as he's told. He leans over the front desk and watches as Gail and Andy have a heated conversation. Andy's kind of smiling, though, so he figures it's not _too _heated. He clears his throat and they both turn to look at him.

Andy's eyes light up, he notices.

"We need you guys on this homicide," he says vaguely. Gail and Andy both light up like he just told them he had a thousand dollars to hand out. He almost laughs, remembering what it was like to be an eager rookie.

He starts walking and he can hear them shuffling their things, quick to follow behind him. He starts telling them the backstory, what happened to the victim, and what they need to find out still. He stops abruptly and the two women almost slam right into his back. "Callaghan is on point on this case, so you can direct any further questions to him."

Andy flinches, but then looks at Callaghan expectantly, like the true professional she is. Sam swells with pride while simultaneously getting hit with a pang of jealously.

"I sent Epstein and Diaz out to his neighborhood. Peck, I need you to start calling these numbers," he says, handing her a legal pad of phone numbers. "Former employers of the victim. Find out whatever you can. McNally, if you wouldn't mind working with me today, I need a fresh pair of eyes over this," he hands her a file of photos and paperwork. She nods solemnly, taking them from him gingerly.

"Swarek," Callaghan says, and Sam tears his eyes from Andy. He _hates _the way Luke says his last name. "Can you get Best, bring him up to date on everything."

It takes everything in him not to say something rude. He turns on his heels and goes off to find his superior.

Sam is surprised when, nine hours later, he finds Andy sitting at her desk, elbows propped up on the desktop as her palms dug into her eyes. He quietly leaned against the desk, clearing his throat. He wasn't sure what he was going to find when she looked up to him, but it wasn't tears. Immediately, everything in him hardens.

"What happened?"

Andy shakes her head. "This job… it's hard sometimes."

Her voice is rough and scratchy and unfamiliar to his ears. He winces and she keeps her bloodshot eyes ahead of her.

Sam had been working with Peck for most of the day while Andy was with Callaghan.

"The boy who died… his name was Theodore Krauss. He went by Teddy. He was twenty. An AP english student. He didn't have a lot of friends, but the ones he did have loved him fiercely. He worked at a pet store, he loved photography, and he wanted to be a teacher."

"What happened?"

She sighs, slowly raising her sad eyes to meet his. "Callaghan took me to the victim's house… we met his mother. We had to…"

Sam wants to hug her. Wants to hold her. Wants to make it okay. Because he knows how awful it is to give your first death notification. It's terrible. It's like you can't breathe, like you're being choked, and you feel so _guilty _for being the one to break this news.

"I know. It's one of the hardest things we have to do."

It doesn't feel like enough, to just say that. He wishes there was something else he could say.

She yawns, closes her eyes for a moment, and then sighs. She leans forward and grabs her coffee, taking a long sip. "I wish you would have been there," she says, so quiet that he's not even sure she wanted him to hear it. But then she looks at him and frowns. "It would have been easier with you by my side."

He shakes his head. "McNally. We're going to find the bastard who killed this kid, we're going to put him behind bars, and we're going to go back to his mother and make sure she knows that the man responsible for all of this is in prison, okay?"

She nods. "You wanna help me with this?"

Sam looks down at her desk, at the many files and notebooks and photos. "What is it?"

She shrugs. "Reports. Photos from his phone. Journal entries from his computer."

"He had a journal?" Sam asks, raising an eyebrow.

"He was a sensitive guy" she says defensively, and Sam smiles, pulling a seat up beside her and taking one of the files from her.

* * *

It's Andy that figures it out. He's impressed, of course, but not surprised. When she realizes what happened, how the kid got mixed up in the wrong scene, she cries. Not full out sobs, but a couple of tears in her eyes.

"We've been going at this all wrong," she says, her hand flying to her mouth. "We think that he was drug abuser, but that makes no sense. He wasn't friends with anyone in the drug scene. But… he does write about a girl named Catherine a lot… Catherine H…I called the college to see if there were any Catherine's and there was a Catherine Higgins. And I looked into her past, talked to a few of her friends. She used to be good friends with Teddy, and then she got into drugs. Sam, what if he was trying to help her."

She starts pacing, her hands flying around as she speaks, her voice getting higher as she continues on. "Think about it! He writes in his journal entries over and over that he wants to help_ the beautiful soul_. Wants to save her from this darkness. He writes about the darkness a lot. I mean, that could very well be synonymous with drugs. And Catherine… I think he loved her."

Sam raises an eyebrow, starts trying to put the pieces together. "Let's call Catherine in," Sam says and Andy lets out this sigh of relief, as if she thought he doubted her.

After that, everything comes together. Teddy had pretended to be part of the drug scene. He was trying to get to her. He wanted to help her, but first he wanted to earn the trust of her friends. When he tried to pull her out, it was too late. Her friends were in too deep, so far gone. They thought he was going to narc on them, so they killed him. Catherine sobbed for a half hour as she explained this to Callaghan and McNally. Andy looked a mixture of disgusted and sympathetic the entire time.

Sam pulls Callaghan aside. "Hey, we need to go tell his mother," Sam says.

Luke nods. "I know that, Swarek."

God, why the hell does Callaghan insist on pronouncing Swarek incorrectly?

Sam swallows his pride and continues on, because as much as he doesn't want to have this conversation, it's important. "McNally was pretty shaken by the death notification. Do you think that I can take her to the mother's house. I want to be there with her."

"You don't think I'm capable of mentoring her on this one?" he asks smugly, but there is curiosity and jealousy burning in his eyes.

"I know you are, Callaghan. But I'm her training officer, and I think it's an important experience."

Luke opens his mouth, looks like he wants to say something out of line, then closes his mouth. He looks over Sam's shoulder, eyes lingering for a long moment. "Fine. Go."

And with that, Luke turns around. Sam looks behind him, trying to see what caught Luke's eyes before. And sure enough, there was Andy, with huge, vulnerable eyes sitting tiredly at her desk. He sighs and calls her over.

"Let's go see Mrs. Krauss, huh?"

* * *

At the end of the night, it's Andy that's waiting for Sam outside of the locker room. She smiles at him and walks beside him, their shoulders brushing every so often as they head toward the exit.

"Sam, thanks for today. You're a good T.O.," she says, wincing as the cold air whips at her skin. "I know I probably need to toughen up."

Sam shakes his head immediately. "Andy, you don't need to toughen up. You're strong enough. You're a compassionate and empathetic person. Those aren't bad qualities, especially not for a cop."

She nods. "You think so?"

"Yes. You figured that out today, McNally. It wasn't me or Callaghan. It was you. Keep up the good work, rookie," he says when she reaches her car.

"Goodnight Sam," she says on a laugh, and it is music to his ears.

And when Sam climbs into his truck, it's then that he realizes the depth of his feelings for Andy McNally. It hits him so hard that he has to close his eyes. It's like a wave of realization crashes down on him, and he has to stop to try to resurface. And that's when Jerry's speech kicks into overdrive, because he needs to do something about this soon before he goes crazy.


	10. Fire

_Sorry for the delay! I was out of town for many, many days, and my computer has gone to crap. Hopefully you guys enjoy and let me know what ya think!_

* * *

Andy has been talking about her car for the past ten minutes. Sam tries not to laugh at the girls ability to rant. "That thing is my baby. I've been so good to her. And this is how she repays me!? She just breaks down?"

Sam rolls his eyes. "Do you want me to look at it, McNally?"

It's nearing four in the afternoon, and he's so exhausted it's ridiculous. Only a few more hours until their shift ends.

"You know something about cars?" she asks with a look of sheer doubt on her face.

"Hey, I know enough to get by. Do you want me to look at it or not?" he asks.

She laughs loudly at this. "Yes, that'd be appreciated, thanks. Also, if you could give me a ride home tonight?"

He nods, rolling his eyes like this is some big hassle for him even though it's really _really _not. At all. "Fine."

"Fine," she mocks.

When six finally rolls around, everyone is going to the Penny and Sam sort of wants to join all of his friends. He smiles at Andy when she meets him at the front doors.

"What?" she asks flatly.

"Wanna get a beer at the Penny first?"

She nods. "Why not?"

As they walk in the bar, Sam is immediately overwhelmed by the smell of beer and sweat. It's a little more crowded than usual. There is already a group of cops from fifteen surrounding the dart boards. It's safe to say someone has started a competition.

Andy is immediately sidetracked by the rookies, who were sat at their usual round table. He watches as she giggles with Nash and Diaz while Epstein stares up at the ceiling like he's asking God for help. Peck is staring down at her wine, but a hint of a smile is pulling at the side of her lips. Andy animatedly chats with them for a moment before parting from them and sliding into the bar stool beside Sam. He keeps an eye on the rookies, who are all watching Andy with wide eyes.

"What's up with your pals?" Sam asks, and Andy raises an eyebrow and then turns slowly, following his line of sight. When she meets their eyes, they all sheepishly look away.

"They think this is weird," she says, motioning between the two of them with two fingers. She quickly orders a beer and he nods.

"They think _what _is weird?" he presses.

She rubs her lips together for a moment and then shrugs. "This. Us. Our friendship. Rookie and training officer. Although I think Epstein is just jealous because he has a major mancrush on you."

"Mancrush?" he asks, watching her make quick work of her now only half full beer bottle.

She giggles. "Totally. He thinks you're supercop or something."

Sam nods, clearing his throat. "I always liked him the most."

Andy rolls her eyes. "Yeah right. I'm obviously your favorite rookie."

It's been a week since Sam's little epiphany. That night, in his truck, he made a decision. This was the week he was going to be straight with Andy. Figure out if there was any hope for the two of them. And if there wasn't, he'd move on. He'd make himself move on.

"I'm probably a bit biased," he admits after a beat, and she grins triumphantly.

"Rightly so," she remarks easily.

She takes in her surroundings, watching the bartender busily make drinks. As always, Sam wonders what she's thinking. If he could have any ability for just a day, he'd ask for the ability to read Andy's mind. The way her brain works is the most intriguing thing to him.

"Isn't that weird…" she starts suddenly, and Sam shakes his thoughts away, "when I saw you on that first day, I didn't think we'd ever get to this point."

Sam laughs, remembering the thoughts that ran through his mind when he saw her at the station for the first time.

"Who knew?"

"Your sister did," she says.

He raises an eyebrow at her and wonders what Sarah tells her. Because when it comes to Andy, Sarah is always telling him they are _meant to be_. He wonders if that's what she tells Andy, too. It's strange because at this point he knows Andy incredibly well. He knows that she tends to say what's on her mind and that she overthinks everything. But for some reason, when it comes to conversations about their relationship, he always feels like he's reading between the lines. Like Andy is always being slightly vague with her statements.

"She knew what?"

She meets his eyes finally, and she looks so nervous it's almost startling to realize that he just might get to her the same way she gets to him. "She knew we'd make a good team," she says finally, very quietly. And then she shrugs and orders another beer, quickly downing the rest of her bottle.

They fall back into a normal conversation, but her words keep playing in his head.

_We'd make a good team,_

That has to mean something, right? He takes a brief moment to think about all the girls who read too much into his innocent statements and feels bad for thinking they were crazy. It's easy to do when you feel so strongly for someone.

They end up staying for quite a few hours, heading over to watch the dart competition. Andy socializes with the rookies for a while and Sam sits with Oliver and Jerry, cheering and putting down money on Gail Peck, who is surprisingly good at darts.

Sam meets Andy's eyes from across the room and notices she's already watching him, eyes tired. He nods and says his goodbyes, meeting Andy at the door.

"You ready?" he asks. She nods silently and follows him to his truck. He can see her dozing off on her side of the truck and lets his mind wander.

_We'd make a good team. _

When Sam pulls into her driveway, she opens her eyes and he realizes she wasn't really sleeping, but maybe just thinking. "Hey!" she says, suddenly too loud and energetic. "You haven't seen the new place yet. Wanna come see?"

Sam raises an eyebrow. Andy moved into this townhouse the week before and she'd been nagging him to come see it ever since. "Sure," he says, cutting the engine and following her inside.

"I'm still not totally finished unpacking, but it's getting there," she says as she opens her door, allowing him to walk in before her. He takes in the small foyer and she leads the way to the kitchen.

Andy hands Sam a beer, and he smiles, taking a pull from it as he follows her into the family room. The place is set up pretty well with a very open layout. There are a few unpacked boxes here and there but she's making progress. He can feel her watching him and turns to catch her eye. She smiles sheepishly, leaning up against her bookshelf. It's filled with novels and how-to's and journals. Being in her home, seeing her things, feels strangely intimate. He thinks it's because Andy is so closed off, and she seems to let him see more than others.

"It's nice, McNally," he says and she grins. He approaches the bookshelf, running his hand over the worn binding of an _Alcoholics Anonymous _book. She sighs.

"I've read it, but I keep it for my dad. Just in case."

He nods and returns his attention to the books. Still, he can feel her gaze on his face and it makes him nervous. He looks at her again and she looks deep in thought. He can see the wheels turning in her mind.

"What?" he asks.

_We'd make a good team._

She opens her mouth and shuts in a few times and this would amuse him under normal circumstances but right now it just makes his stomach twist. Finally, she closes the distance between them and presses her lips to his. It starts out very tentative, unsure. But quickly, her arms find their way to the back of his neck and her fingers are twisting in his hair and her mouth is parting. Every part of him she touches feels electric. He knows that maybe he should stop this, maybe he should be asking her questions, maybe he should be demanding answers, maybe he should be more careful. But instead, he guides her to the wall, her back pressed against it. His hands trail down her sides, resting on the warm skin of her hips where her shirt has ridden up.

Everything happens so fast. He lifts her up, she wraps her legs around his waist, her lips leaving his only long enough to tell him where her bedroom is.

He walks to her bed and then he's hovering over her, her lips nipping and sucking at his jawline. He doesn't want to think, but still, he has to ask.

"You sure about this, McNally?" he asks, his voice hoarse and rough.

She meets his eyes. "Just kiss me, Sam," she says breathily.

That's all it takes. The want in her voice turns his insides to fire and all of this thoughts fade away, replaced by lips and hands and heat. In the moment, he loses himself enough to forget about all the problems and the questions and the fear.

_We'd make a good team. _


	11. Time Machine

_**Sorry for the delay! I went on a semi-spontaneous roadtrip to Chicago with my friends and couldn't write while I was there! But here's the update, so let me know what you think, but just know that this story isn't over yet so be patient! Xoxo!**_

* * *

When Sam wakes up to find the space next to him empty, he is disappointed but not at all surprised. He groans, letting his eyes adjust to the bright light streaming in through McNally's blinds. Finally, he rolls off of the queen bed, running his hand over his face as he mulls over what he's going to do next.

It would probably be less awkward if he was at his _own _house and Andy had left. But she left her own house. He checks his phone, it's nine in the morning and he has no missed calls. Of course. He finds his clothes at the end of the bed and quickly throws them on.

And then Sam hears a loud slam and jumps, his natural instincts kicking in immediately. Very quietly, he exits her bedroom and approaches the kitchen. All of his muscles loosen up when he sees McNally's back to him. She turns around, almost if she can sense he's awake.

Her eyes meet his for only a second before they're on the floor, on the wall, on the water bottle in her hands. She winces. "Sorry. I didn't mean to shut the cabinet so loudly."

"It's fine," Sam says quietly, watching Andy closely. She is wearing only shorts and a black sports bra. Sam raises an eyebrow. "Did you just get back from a run?" he asks incredulously.

She nods. "Morning routine for my days off." An awkward beat passes and Andy rocks back on her heels. "What are you thinking?" she asks, and Sam almost laughs because he was just about to ask her the same thing before she beat him to the punch.

"I'm thinking that… you rolling out of bed at the crack of dawn probably isn't a good sign, huh?" he says honestly.

She presses her lips together in thought for a moment before letting out a small sigh. "I don't know, Sam… I…"

She trails off, setting her water bottle down on the countertop and leaning against her sink, finally working up the courage to meet Sam's eyes again.

"Do you regret last night?" Sam asks when he realizes she's not going to elaborate her first answer.

"No," Andy answers quickly, and that brings Sam relief. At least temporarily.

"Good," Sam says, feeling hopeful but still not allowing himself to smile quite yet. Because he knew in the back of his mind that this would happen. That she'd see things differently in the light of day. That she's still a rookie. She is still terrified of commitment and opening herself up to people. One night, no matter how great, isn't going to change that.

"The thing is… I'm still a rookie-"

"For only a couple more months," Sam interjects, because he can't help himself.

She nods and rolls her lips together. Taking a deep breath, she speaks again. "I know. But… Sam, the fact is I'm a rookie _right now. _I want nothing more than to be the best cop I can be. The right way. The respectable way. I have not earned the respect of my superiors and I certainly won't earn it by sleeping with my T.O."

As she says this, a rosy blush works its way to her cheeks. Still, she powers through her speech.

"I was a little tipsy last night and I wasn't thinking. You're like," she pauses, looks deep in thought, and then just shrugs. "You're like the best person in my life, and I know this has been a little awkward… this whole _enemies to colleagues to friends to…. this_. I didn't think about my actions last night, I just… acted. And as nice as that was for a night, it's back to reality."

Sam takes this all in quietly. He doesn't want to sit here and beg for her to reconsider. He doesn't even recognize himself anymore. He's tired of being this pathetic version of himself that pines for McNally. Sure, she's led him on a little, but he should have known better. He knows McNally better than anyone, and he knows all the reasons why this wouldn't be a good idea.

He nods. "Okay."

"Okay?" she asks, a small smile playing on her lips.

"If you can answer me one question, I'll let it go."

She nods. "Shoot," she instructs.

"If you weren't a rookie, if it weren't against the rules, would I still be getting this speech anyways?" he asks. Because he needs to know.

She closes her eyes, shakes her head. "Yeah," she says, just above a whisper, and then the front door swings open and laughter fills the entire house.

Sam whips around, surprised to find Krista and his sister standing in the foyer.

He turns back to meet Andy's eyes, and is glad to find that she looks just as confused as he feels. Andy recovers though, closing her mouth and raising an eyebrow.

"Guys?" she asks slowly. "What's up?"

"What is my brother doing here at," Sarah pauses, looking at her watch. "Nine-thirty in the morning?" she asks, a huge grin on her face as she looks at her brother.

"Why are you wearing a bra?" Krista asks, staring at Andy like she's a mutant.

Andy laughs. "It's a sports bra, kid, and I just got back from a run," she answers. Then she looks at Sarah and shrugs. "Rough night at the Penny. I let Sam crash here," she says quickly, shrugging nonchalantly as if this were no big deal. "The better question here is, what are you guys doing here?"

Sarah raises an eyebrow. "You really thought we were going to let you celebrate your birthday alone? I told you you'd regret giving me a key to your place."

Andy shrugs. "I mean, I did ask for _specifically _that, but, I should have known," she says, and even though she's trying to sound mad, she's grinning fondly at Sarah.

Even though Sam is still on edge, every bone in his body vibrating anxiously against his skin, he looks at Andy. "It's your birthday?"

Not to be overdramatic, but he's both surprised and offended that he doesn't know her birth date.

"Sort of, yeah," she mumbles, and he hears the shakiness in her voice. "It's not a big deal. Birthdays aren't that big of a deal to me."

Sam scoffs. "That's hard to believe. Last week you bought Dov several shots and made the bartenders at the Penny help you sing to him for his birthday."

"Okay. _My own _birthday isn't a big deal to me," she clarifies.

Sarah clears her throat. "Good thing we don't care about that. We're taking you to brunch in about an hour, so go shower, alright? And Sam, you're coming with."

Andy starts to mutter out excuses as Sam shakes his head vehemently. More time with Andy is basically the last thing he needs right now.

"It doesn't matter. Sam, you're off and I know you don't have plans. And Andy, this is the first thing in a long line of events for the day, so it'll be easier to just go along with it," Sarah says sternly, her voice taking on a motherly tone.

Andy sends Sam an apologetic look and shrugs, heading toward her bathroom. He doesn't know if she's sorry about him being dragged into the festivities or for the answer she just gave him. He figures it's both.

"Krista, go ahead and watch some television," Sarah instructs, leaning against the fridge and pointing her daughter in the direction of the living room. Sam prepares himself for a typical Sarah shakedown.

Once Krista gets lost in an episode of _Spongebob, _Sarah raises her eyebrows at Sam, who settles into the bar stool at the island in the kitchen.

"What in the hell are you doing here this early looking like you slept for all of ten minutes."

Sam shrugs. "Natural beauty isn't my thing, sorry."

"Don't be an ass," Sarah chastises.

"That, however, does come naturally to me."

She rolls her eyes. "Why do you look like someone just kicked your dog, Sam?" she's frowning, and Sam feels guilty for being so short with her. It's not her fault that Andy basically just told him that last night didn't mean anything to her.

"Long night, Sare. Don't worry about it, alright?"

She nods, grudgingly dropping the subject. She prattles on about some concert she wants to take Krista to and Sam stares at the marble countertop in front of him until Andy emerges from the bathroom, hair still damp. She sends Sam a small, confused smile and as much as he wishes he could return it, he can't. He looks back down at the counter.

* * *

The drive to the small diner was incredibly uncomfortable, at least for Sam. Krista didn't seem to notice the tension, and if Sarah did, she hid it well.

Sam is sat next to Andy, Krista and Sarah situated on the other side of the booth.

"So Andy. One Direction is going to be in Toronto is a couple of months. Do you wanna come with me to see them?" Krista says once the waitress takes our orders.

Andy's jaw drops in shock, and then a huge grin takes over her features. "Um, duh! I've gotta be your wingman, huh?"

Krista giggles cheerily. "See, mom! I told you she understands my love."

Sarah laughs, rolling her eyes. "Suit yourself, Andy. You've been warned, though. They get pretty loud."

Andy shrugs, and once again, Sam is struck with the realization of how well Andy fits into his life. And the fact remains that at the end of the day, no matter what crap they go through together, she's not only going to be in his work life, but she's always going to be a part of his personal life as well. He really can't escape this. More than anything, he wants to go back twenty-four hours and forget all of this happened, because he's struggling to see how they can get past this. All he knows is he feels like he's gonna lose her in the end, because he's not sure how they can go back to being friends now, and clearly Andy doesn't want more than that.

As Andy pushes her eggs around on her plate, Sam notices how closely Sarah is watching her. She looks up and smiles a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes and excuses herself to the bathroom, taking Krista with her.

Immediately, Sarah is staring Sam down. "What did you do to her?"

Sam's eyes widen. "I didn't do anything," he says vaguely, slightly offended that his sister would assume it was him that fucked up.

"You look sad and Andy looks lost. Something is going on and whatever it is needs to stop for now because it is Andy's birthday," she scolds.

"It's more complicated than that, Sare," he says quietly, running his hand over his face.

"So something did happen?"

He shrugs. "Not really."

"Liar."

He nods.

"Sam…" she starts and then sighs deeply. "Listen, I know you get tired of me butting in, but I see how you look at her. How she looks at you. You're a better you when she's around. Whatever happened, you guys can work through it."

He figures he should just keep his mouth shut, but he wants to talk to someone. And Sarah is the only person he thinks may be able to help. "Unless she doesn't want to work through it."

The look in Sarah's eyes is so knowing that Sam would swear she must know everything. "Give her time, Sam."

"I've done that."

She shakes her head. "Whatever it is… she'll come around. You didn't know her before, so you don't understand. But she's been different ever since you came around. Just trust me, alright?"

He wants to trust her, is the thing, but he doesn't. And it's then that Andy returns from the bathroom, smiling at something Krista is saying. When she slides into the seat beside Sam, her arm brushes his and she jumps away as if he electrified her. Then she shoots him another confused smile and turns her attention to her plate.


	12. San Francisco

_Another chapter from Andy's POV! I love writing her perspective, so this was fun. I hope you all enjoy and maybe decide not to hate Andy so much. Everyone has their reasons for their decisions, and this part of Andy, this part of her that is so broken and terrified of commitment, was half of the inspiration to this story. The idea that I introduce in this chapter is literally one of the main themes of this story and something that I really wanted to stress the importance of! Anyways, please enjoy and let me know what you think!_

* * *

"You see, Sargent, I woke up feeling pretty sick today. Honestly, just very nauseated. My stomach is killing me. So maybe, I don't know, I can switch with Gail and ride the desk instead?"

Frank looks at Andy for a long moment, and then nods. "That would probably be for the best, huh? I'll put Gail with Swarek for the day. You get to the desk."

"Thank you sir," she manages, a hand hovering over her _sick _stomach.

"There's ginger ale in the fridge, by the way," he calls as Andy makes her way to the desk. She smiles back at him and books it out of parade before she can run into Sam.

And you see, this isn't like her at all. She talks her problems out. She does not run and hide. But for some reason, she knows she can't face this. Just looking at Sam's face makes her lose all ability to think rationally. And she _needs _to be thinking rationally when she's has this conversation.

When Sam left her house on her birthday, she still hadn't had a chance to talk to him. He ducked out after Sarah and Krista sang to her without much of a goodbye. Not that she can really blame him.

Never in her life had Andy ever wished she could be someone else more than she did now. Why is she this broken girl who can't trust anyone? Why is she so terrified, and god, is she terrified. And not the typical, _oh, im nervous he doesn't love me like I love him_ kind of terrified, but in this way that makes her heart race and her nerves move at lightening speed and god, she feels like she can't even breathe. Her stomach hurts and her head hurts and her heart hurts, if that's possible, because Sam is great, and patient, and caring, and she does not deserve him, she knows this.

He meets her eyes on his way out of the station with Gail in tow and he shakes his head at her, because he knows-he obviously knows-that she's a coward. She's pathetic. He's told her before that she's loving and brave, but he must know now that he was wrong.

And as much as this hurts Andy (and it really, really hurts), she still feels like she's doing the right thing. She shouldn't have led him on, and she should've had more self control, yes. But she can't let this go any further, because she will fuck it up. Maybe it seems like she's being overly harsh now, but it's nothing in comparison to what will happen if she lets him all the way in. She will run, she will intentionally create a barrier, she will hurt him more than she already has. And that's the last thing she wants.

Traci plops down in the chair beside Andy and beams. "I thought you were assigned to Swarek today," she says.

Andy shrugs. "I switched with Gail."

Traci scoffs. "Since when does Frank let us switch?"

Andy presses her lips together. She considers lying, but Traci is one of the only people she feels comfortable with, and she _needs _to talk to someone. Normally, she'd go to Sarah with something like this but there's sort of a conflict of interest, so.

"I slept with Sam," she blurts out in a hushed tone.

Traci's jaw drops predictably, and it takes her a minute but eventually she breaks into a grin. "What? When? Why? How was it?"

Andy laughs even though the whole thing isn't really funny at all.

"That night of the dart competition," she mutters. "I showed him my new home and I just… kissed him. He was just looking at my books and I was thinking how great he was and how… good he looked and I just… kissed him."

"That's not like you," Traci says.

"Tell me about it. And then the next morning… I sort of brushed it off-"

"-Of course-"

"And now I think he hates me."

"Andy," she starts, a sympathetic smile on her face.

"I'm the worst. The actual worst. Traci…"

"I mean… technically, it's against the rules for you guys to date anyways."

Andy nods. "I know, and I said that. And that's true. I don't want to jeopardize my career… but then he said that I won't be a rookie for much longer and he asked if that was the only reason and I said no and then his sister came over and we were stuck with his family for the next several hours and it was the most awkward and depressing birthday ever."

Traci shakes her head. "Well… what about a few months from now? When you're not a rookie?"

Andy sighs. "I can't do it… Trace…"

"I know you're really messed up when it comes to this stuff, and I understand. I understand that your family left you with a good amount of abandonment issues, and then Luke screwed you over the first time you let your guard down… but I know you care about Sam. He's good to you and the way you guys look at each other… it's obvious."

"That's the problem, Traci. This isn't some guy that I can causally enter into something with. This is _Sam_. If I mess this up, if I hurt him, I can't avoid him. And I don't want to lose him, but I think I already did so…"

Traci shrugs. "I love you, Andy, and I'll support you no matter what. Some things are worth the risk, though."

Andy nods and then they change the subject.

* * *

Andy is grinning as she watches Dov and Gail verbally assault each other. It feels normal for a minute, and she revels in that.

"I'm going to get another beer," Andy announces, but the two barely spare her a look, eyes locked on each other. Andy laughs, shaking her head as she approaches the bar. These rookies have become so much like her family, no matter how bizarre they are.

Andy orders another Bud Light and waits patiently, glancing around the bar. She stops when she sees Sam heading toward the door. She frowns, setting a few bills down on the bar and rushing to follow Sam out of the bar.

"Sam," she calls loudly when she gets outside, and her body is so warm with anxiety that she hardly notices how cold it is outside.

Even in the darkness she can see his shoulders tense up. He raises an eyebrow and turns around. "You done ignoring me now, Andy?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest. His breath comes out if puffs. His usage of her first name stings more than it should, but she knows she deserves it. She nods. "Great," he says carelessly and then starts to walk away again.

She sighs, running out in front of him to cut him off. "Please… you don't have to say anything, okay? Just listen."

He sighs, and he looks carefree and really bored, but she knows it's just an act so she powers through. "Sam. I know that apologies lose their meaning after awhile, so I understand if you don't want to hear this, but it's important. I shouldn't have led you on. Not on Christmas Eve… or on New Years Eve when I kissed you, or the other night. It was so incredibly selfish and the fact is you don't deserve that," she stumbles on her words a little a takes a deep breath before continuing, trying to force some confidence into her voice.

"I know I'm being such a difficult person right now. I know it. I can literally hear myself being a pain but I can't stop it. I'm just… I'm messed up. And I wish I wasn't. _You _make me wish that I wasn't. But I am. And I don't know how… I need to fix that." He keeps his eyes trained on hers, and despite her nerves, it's comforting. There is something warm and familiar in his eyes. "I need to work on myself," she says it suddenly. She didn't plan on saying that, the thought never even crossed her mind, honestly, but as soon as she says it, she knows it's true. It's crucial. "I've never really wanted to work on myself before, I guess, but now it's apparent. I'm more messed up than I thought. And fixing all of this," she says, motioning to herself, "is a solo job. I need to… I don't know, start going to al-anon meetings again, maybe even talk to, like, a therapist. I don't want to live like this anymore."

And realizing all of this, it's kind of exhilarating. It's like the greatest epiphany of her life. And, okay, yeah, this shouldn't be news to her. Maybe she should have started working on herself long ago, but she's never had the motivation. But staring at Sam, who, even brokenhearted, looks at her like she's the entire universe, makes her want to change.

"Sam," she says. "I hope we can stay friends. I understand if you don't want to go back, but if you're interested, I am."

And she means that. She can't promise a relationship, but she can try for friendship.

He just nods. He puts a hand on her shoulder and he doesn't say a word, just gives her this look full of pride, and then nods once more. "Good night, McNally," he says, and the kind and familiar words put her at ease.

"Good night," she says quietly and watches as he turns around, making his way to his truck. Then, just as she's about to turn around and go back into the bar, he stops and calls out to her.

"Talk to Best about therapists. We have a couple in the department that can help."

She smiles gratefully and then he's getting into his truck and driving away.


End file.
